


Want/Need

by Kpoppinwonhoe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:38:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 45,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kpoppinwonhoe/pseuds/Kpoppinwonhoe
Summary: Mingyu has been good all his life. He's been the perfect son. His grades are the top of the class, he plays guitar, piano and many more, he does sports and on top of that: he's the perfect son in law. The only thing is: it is not him. Not at all. He's been hiding his real self from everyone for years. Until one fateful day, when he might have found the only person who truly knows him.





	1. Prologue

Mingyu

Today is my first day at university. Seoul National University is one of the most prestigious universities out here in South Korea and I'm attending it. Not for the reasons I want to, but for those dictated by my parents. All I ever do is please them and all the people around me. Father wants me to take over our company as soon as possible, hence why I am now attending business classes at university. This degree will earn me the trust of the shareholders in the company.

But this is not in the least what I want to do. There is not a bone in my body that wants to actually take over the company. My parents have my whole future laid our in front of me, all I have to do is follow their lead. The only thing is: I don't want to do that anymore. But what other options are there? I can't go against their wishes and do something else because I will be left with nothing. They've made that pretty clear over the past few years.

The thing I really love doing is reading and writing. Every spare second I have you can find me reading in the library or book shop. There are never enough books to read or things to write. Life is full of wonderful things that need to be written down instead of taken pictures of. My parents think this is a total waste of time and I should pursue things that can get me somewhere in life.

As I'm walking towards campus I feel tired already. There is just one class I still need to sign up for, it's a class we can pick out of a lot of classes. They sent us a list from which we can choose. Today I'm going to go around and sit in on some of those classes to look at them. Since it's an elective for us, it's with an older year. The list contains a lot of boring classes containing even more economics. The last thing I want is to enroll in that again. There are some art classes on there too, which speak to me more than all of the other ones.

Which leads me to the door of a literature class. There aren't too many people inside as I just stand there. I'm still debating whether to go inside or not. If my parents ever find out, they'll have me kicked out of their home. And life. It's just one step and it can change my life forever. Suddenly I'm pushed inside because someone bumped into me. That's it. I can't turn back now. The people in the classroom are already watching me, urging me to take a seat before class starts. I look around and find an empty spot in the back, where no one can really see me.

The professor comes inside and looks around for a little bit. When he's satisfied he picks up his little clipboard. Roll call. Fuck. I'm not on the list and he will notice it since there aren't too many people to begin with. Before he can begin someone stumbles inside. He is slender and has raven black hair. His sweater is too big while his jeans are probably too tight.

"I'm so sorry professor Kim", he urges an apology. The deep voice coming out the male's mouth is surprising since he is so thin.

The professor nods. "Jeon Wonwoo?" he asks the male and he nods. "Take a seat."

The boy, Wonwoo makes his way to the back, not too far from me, and sits down. I watch him since he fascinates me. His sleeves are a bit too long, making him have sweater paws. It's kind of cute to be honest. What am I even thinking? Cute? Really? I try to focus on roll call again.

The professor keeps on calling names until the last one. He skipped Wonwoo because he already knew he was here. Then his eyes land on me.

"And you are? In the back?" I know he's targeting me but I try to duck away. "Don't hide."

"I'm Kim Mingyu, sir", I say just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"And what are you doing here?" He tilts his head a little out of curiosity. Wonwoo, who is sitting in the same row as me, turns his head to me too.

"This is on my list as an elective class. I came to sit in to make a choice", I say with a little more confidence. For some reason I want to appear confident in Wonwoo's judging eyes.

"And which department are you from?" The professor seems bored already.

"Business, sir", I say proudly.

"Ah, okay. Let me know what you think at the end of the class", he says and I sink back into my seat. The professor continues with whatever he was saying and I try to focus. But I can feel a set of eyes on me. When I look to the side I can see Wonwoo staring at me. Those hazel brown eyes are sizing me up before turning away again. I finally feel as if I can breathe again. 

 

Wonwoo

I'm late for my first day back at University. That's so me. Oversleeping is something that only happens on the most important days. And today is one of them. As a literature student I take my classes very serious. I even want to become a writer one day. That's probably why I'm running now. I'm living in a dorm right off campus and it usually takes me about 10 minutes to get to class, walking. Since I'm already 5 minutes late I have to run. Run and make it in 5 minutes. The professor absolutely hates tardies and it's just my luck that this is the first day.

I get to the door only 7 minutes late to class. I try to collect myself before going in by steadying my breath. It takes my only one more minute to do that, which makes me 8 minutes late. I can hear the professor taking roll call as I stand outside the door. Better go in now or never.

The door doesn't open easily which makes me stumble inside like a goofy looking guy. Great, reputation already destroyed. The professor eyes me from head to toe. "I'm so sorry professor Kim", I stutter as I straighten myself. This is going wrong in absolutely every possible way.

"Jeon Wonwoo?" He asks me and I simply nod. I bow once more before going to the back, searching for a spot where I won't be seen as much. I hate being the center of attention, more than anything else. Just let me sit in the back without talking to me and I'm a happy person. Not that you could see it on my face. A lot of people have told me I don't have a lot of expressions when it comes to my face. They were always guessing what I was feeling. It became really annoying in the end. I still haven't mastered the art of expressing my feelings really well to this day.

I go to one of the back rows, only one other person is sitting there. He doesn't seem familiar. Maybe he's new? He has this brownish hair, all ruffle, making it seem like he just jumped out of bed too. His shoulders are broad as he sits there. And that's when I realise he is staring at me for some reason. I shy away and sit in the same row. That way he can't look at me from behind. He has to be obvious about it.

My sweater sleeves cover my hands as I lean back into my seat a little. I did make it in time for the lesson to start. The teacher stops as he realises something.

"And you are? In the back?" his eyes are on the big shouldered guy in my row. The guy sinks back into his chair, trying not to be seen. "Don't hide."

"I'm Kim Mingyu, sir", he says as he stands up in the end. He is really tall. A good 5 inches taller than me. His voice is soft and soothing as he says his name.

"And what are you doing here?" the professor is really intrigued by this person. I tilt my head to the side to get a better look of him. He is handsome in every single way possible. He does seem a bit younger than me. I can almost see all the girls on campus fawning over him.

"This is on my list as an elective class. I came to sit in to make a choice", his voice is now more confident. I like the way he stands up for himself. 

"And which department are you from?" the professor's attention is already slipping away again.

"Business, sir", Mingyu is now even more confident. I hide a little smile as I keep my eyes trained on him.

"Ah, okay. Let me know what you think at the end of the class", the professor turns away from Mingyu as he sits back down. I keep looking at him for some odd reason. My eyes are drawn to him as he lets out a sigh of relief. Then his face turns towards me, obviously noticing me watching him. I size him up once more before looking in front of me again. The professor is starting his lecture and I've never been less concentrated than this before.


	2. One

It's my second week at University and I'm still trying to figure everything out. I've made some friends along the way, but we're not really close yet. They're staying at the same dorms as me which is fortunate, so we can hang out whenever we want to. The thing that really bothers me about today is the fact that I'm seeing that guy again. Jeon Wonwoo. His name has been playing in my head over and over again. The way he talked makes me want to dream away. How can a voice so deep be housed in a body so slender? It puzzles me.

He's not in my department so I don't see him around on campus either. Which makes it even harder to get to know him. And something inside me definitely wants to get to know him. He intrigues me, more than anything actually. It's also the reason I can't pay full attention in class in my first weeks at university. I need to know who he is. Today I'll definitely talk to him.

"Hey! Mingyu! Where are you going?" Someone yells from behind me and I turn around to see who it is. It's one of the guys from my dorm and course. Hansol I think his name is.

"Hey, Hansol. I'm going to my elective", I say while walking on. He has caught up with me by now, walking beside me.

"What is your elective?" he asks, always interested in what other people do.

"Literature class", I mumble and he laughs a little.

"Really? Wow, sorry, didn't mean to laugh at that. It's just that a lot of people in business think that type of thing is a waste of time", he explains to me after seeing the hurt look on my face. He does have a point.

"I just wanted something else then business for a change", I lie a little. The real reason I'm taking this is because I love it more than business. But I'm not telling him that. The people in my course think it's just silly.

"Well, I'll see you at lunch?" he asks me and is already walking away towards his elective. The one all of the other chose too. It's the economics one, the one I never even went to. Actually, I only visited this class. And I stayed because of Jeon Wonwoo.

The class is already filling up as I walk towards the back, to my spot from last time. I think it's a good idea to stay out of the teacher's direct line of sight for some reason. Usually I'm the one in the front row, solving everything, but I don't want to stand out here too much. What if someone recognises me and reports me to my parents? They still don't know I'm taking this class. For all they know I'm in economics class right now.

I sink back into my seat and get out all of my stuff. I read some parts of our book last night and it seems really interesting, but I think the professor won't really follow directions from it too strictly. He doesn't seem like that kind of person. The book is really heavy as I plop it onto my desk. I also get out my notepad and some pens. You can never have enough pens in my opinion. I hear the bench creaking as someone slides onto it. It's the same guy as last week: Jeon Wonwoo. He even looks the same, just another outfit. Now that he's not paying attention to me, I can get a better look. His raven black hair is slightly too long and falls into his eyes a little, making him swipe it away with his sweater paws. Let's talk about those for a second. They're just too cute. It's like he's doing it on purpose, knowing it'll get to me. They make me smile a little. His head turns to the side and he catches me smiling like a goofball. I turn away quickly, looking at my pen.

This isn't going to work. I need to actually say something to him if I want to catch his attention. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to spark up a conversation. This is all up to me. Just as I'm about to open my mouth to talk to him, the professor starts talking. There goes my window. I'll just have to wait until during our break. Maybe I'll have worked up the courage to talk to him.

The teacher begins with roll call and I'm prepared for it this time. I'm even on the list, so he doesn't have to single me out again. He's getting closer to my name and I'm not nervous anymore.

"Jeon Wonwoo?" he asks and the person next to me puts up his hand. The name sends shivers down my spine again. It's weird. And I'm looking at him again. The professor keeps on calling out names, but I'm not listening to him anymore.

"Kim Mingyu?" he calls out, but I don't react to it. "I suggest you stop looking at Mr. Jeon Wonwoo and react to your own name." The professor calls me out again. My head snaps towards him and I blush deeply.

"Yes sir", I mumble and I see Wonwoo blushing next to me too. God, this is going the wrong way. The whole class is looking at us. There goes my opportunity to talk to him. It's all going to waste. I see Wonwoo sinking down into his seat, trying to escape the attention that is given to us. Which confirms what I was thinking all along: he's introvert. This attention on him must be a drag.

Luckily the teacher starts calling out other names again and the class turns around. It would be hard for them to always keep staring at the back of the class. Wonwoo seems to relax visibly, which makes me feel a little better about myself. If I keep this up and keep drawing attention to him, he'll be scared away before I can even say anything.

The lesson starts for real now and I really try to pay attention to it, but I can't. The stuff he's talking about is really interesting, but there is something, or should I say someone, more interesting sitting on the long bench next to me. Why does he keep on picking this spot? Does he expect me to leave?

Talk to him, you dork. My conscience is talking to me again. And its right. I won't know unless we have an actual conversation.

"We're going to pair up for the next assignment", the professor starts out and I see my window of opportunity widen all of a sudden. "But I'll assign your partners." A collective sigh is let out throughout the whole room. Including mine. We all want to pick out own partners. What if the person we're teamed up with sucks? Doesn't do any work? I absolutely hate not being able to pick. And now I can't pick Wonwoo. It seems like we both don't have friends in this class, so it would be the perfect opportunity.

Everyone looks around to their friends. Wonwoo just stares at the sheets of paper in front of him. I try not to stare at him, but his sharp features keep on pulling me in. It would be really hard to work with him and focus on something else but him. The professor has started calling out names and putting them together. Some people are happy to be paired with their friends, others try to stay polite to their new gained partner.

"Kim Mingyu... Since you were so wrapped up in staring at Jeon Wonwoo, I'll do you a favour. Congratulations, you are partners for the next assignment!" This professor is really starting to get on my nerves. He is doing this all on purpose.

Wonwoo looks my way and I give him a little nod. He acknowledges me too and says 'hi'. I smile at that, it's the most I've gotten out of him in 2 lessons. This is going to turn out just fine. What was I even worrying about all this time?

"Let's start to mingle. You get the rest of this period to get to know your partner and work on the first part of the assignment", the professor states and walks out of the door, probably getting some coffee or something. The guy seems to be a walking coffee addict.

I scoot over to Wonwoo with all of my stuff. I need to do this right and not in my usual way. Normally I'm really loud and forward, but since Wonwoo is different from all the people I've ever met, I need to be careful. I need to actually think before I speak.

"Hello, I'm Kim Mingyu, your new partner", I introduce myself and he nods.

"I know your name by now", he jokes a little. "I'm Jeon Wonwoo. I hope we can finish this well." He's being polite and funny at the same time. This strategy is working out just fine for now.

"I hope so too..." I state and look over at his books. He seems so neat when it comes to everything. "Hey, funny idea. Want to exchange numbers? That way we can keep in contact?" His face turns a bit worried. That's it, I've already gone too far. I need to shut up for once and think before speaking. Someone hit me in the face.

"That's not a bad idea", he says in the end with a bit of hesitation. He licks his lips as if he's a bit nervous.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to? We can always communicate through Facebook or something?" I try, not wanting to push him into something he doesn't want. But he shakes his head with a little smile.

"I'm hardly ever on there, so this is better. It's fine", he says while shoving his phone over to me and holding his out for mine. I give it and then type in my number. My name is already set, but I add something to it. Now it says: Mingyu-ah. Which sounds a bit more adorable. Wonwoo gives me back my phone and smiles upon seeing the name I set for myself.

"Sorry if I'm too forward", I blush deeply and look down at my own phone. He's set his name as just 'Wonwoo'. Of course he would.

"No it's fine. I... kind of am bad with people? So I am sorry if I don't say too much..." he says with a shy smile. God, is he trying to kill me?

"Well, I'm good with people. So we'll just fill in for each other then", I wink and he smiles some more. We're so different from each other and it is kind of exciting. I've never had a friend who is so different from me. Most of my friends are the same. I think I'm going to enjoy this time together.

"I do hope so", he says silently. "You're not a major in Literature, are you?" he asks the obvious.

"No, I'm in business school over here. This is my elective. You are a major in literature?"

"Yes, I am." There is nothing else more to say on that subject.

"Do you like writing or reading more?" the questions pops out before I can even think about it.

"Writing the most. But I read all the time", he lets out and it's as if he's baring his soul out to me.

"I like reading a little more than writing", this is another thing where we differ. "Can I read something of you sometime?"

"I'm not too confident about my writing yet... Maybe in the future", he states, scooting away a little. I've scared him off with my forward behaviour. I guess this is where he draws the line of telling me things. For now. I'm positive things will change in the future. I will change them.

"Speed date time is over. You can go to your next class", the professor calls out and I'm actually disappointed.

"I'll text you?" I try with Wonwoo and he nods.

"I'll look forward to it", he whispers and is off. Did I really hear that right? He's looking forward to it? He is so confusing, but I like it.


	3. Two

The next few hours are pretty confusing to me. I keep on staring at my phone without paying attention in my normal classes. They didn't interest me before and they sure as hell don't interest me right now. Wonwoo is looking forward to my message and I need to think of a good one to send him. What is a good message to send these days? And why the hell am I stressing out over this? He's just Wonwoo and I am just Mingyu. I'm behaving like a teenage girl for some reason. Is this the new role I've taken upon myself?

"Hey, Mingyu, what are you thinking about?" Minghao asks beside me. He's a transfer student from China and has some of these classes with me. Since he's a transfer student, he can choose a lot of his classes. He's in some of Wonwoo's classes too, I've learned. He's my main source of Wonwoo information.

"Nothing, just a task we have to do for Literature class", I sigh and it's not even a wholesome lie. It's just a part of the problem. Minghao looks at me with a puzzled look.

"I heard you got partnered up with Wonwoo", he states. Word apparently spreads fast at this school. I try to think of a good response, but can't find any. This is all confusing me just too much.

"The teacher has it in for me and Wonwoo apparently. Me because I'm a business student and Wonwoo because he was late the first day..." I try to explain myself for some reason. I shouldn't feel the need to do that. We can become friends right? Without an ulterior motive.

"Wonwoo was late? He's never late..." Minghao mumbles to himself. I get to know Wonwoo more and more without even talking to him. When I do talk to him I need to make sure to pretend to know nothing. It'll be very suspicious when you answer: 'oh, I know that already!' Won't it? He will probably think I'm a total creeper. Which I am not, I think.

"Well he was that day..." I mumble back and turn back to the front of the class. I need to pen this down, but Wonwoo's sweater paws are making it quite impossible to even think about anything else. He looks so fragile when he does that. It makes me want to protect him. Just take him home and cuddle with him. And we're going down that road, again. I hate my mind for wandering. For making me see things that aren't there. Damn Wonwoo for doing this to me already.

I stare at my phone some more during class. Minghao starts making fun of me for being a girl. He asks me if I'm waiting for someone to text me. The truth is that I'm waiting for inspiration to text Wonwoo. It can't be something lame and it can't be cheesy. I want to be original and I want him to remember me. If I don't do this right, he'll probably ignore me as soon as the project is done. Not that I blame him for that or anything. He has every right to do so. But I want to get to know him better, to know what he likes and dislikes. To do stuff together like friends... Is that so weird? Suddenly I know just what to send. It's my favourite poem of all time and I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Not a lot of people know the poem, so I'll have that advantage.

"Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art—

Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night

And watching, with eternal lids apart,

Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite"

I wait and wait for his response. There is none in the last 5 minutes. What could possibly take this long? Does he not like it? Does he think I'm cliché? Is he already talking to the professor to switch partners? I don't know what to think anymore. It doesn't get better. After 10 minutes I'm actually thinking of throwing myself in the Han river. That would be less painful that seeing Wonwoo again. He must think I'm an idiot trying to impress him. Which is basically what I am, but I don't want him to know that, ever.

"John Keats, good choice", I suddenly get back. I almost jump of joy, then I realise I'm still in class and they must think I'm the weirdest person in this room already. Luckily none of them know me from my literature class.

"Do you know him?" I text back with a huge grin on my face. He is my favourite author of all time. I will be devastated if Wonwoo tells me he sucks. That will mean the end of everything we've built up so far. Which is basically nothing, but still.

"I love his work. Not a lot of people know of him though..." I've got Wonwoo to open up about something. This is going so well, for now. And the fact that he loves Keats too means we're destined to be friends.

"I know. He's my favourite author of all time... Which one is yours?" I ask, still grinning. Minghao is rolling his eyes next to me.

"I'll tell you over a cup of coffee", he types with a little smiley. Is he asking me out?

"When and where?"

"After class? That little café down the block? You know it?"

"Yeah I do. My class ends in 20. I'll see you then", I'm blushing while typing. Are we really setting up a date right now?

"See you in 20", he adds another winking face and I almost faint. Is he for real?

These are the longest and most torturing 20 minutes in my entire existence. The only thing I can think of is Wonwoo and that cup of coffee we're going to have. Is he really setting up a date with me? Or is he just being friendly? I don't know him well enough to judge him. My heart is kind of skipping beats without me wanting it. Damn you, traitorous heart. Or as they say it in literature land: be still, my heart. I smile at my little pun and Minghao pulls up an eyebrow once again. He must think I'm really weird by now.

The lesson ends and I shoot out of the classroom. Minghao yells something after me, but I don't hear any of it. Is it weird to get there early? Should I slow down? I slow down a bit and pull out my headphones. That'll help me calm down a bit. My nerves are soaring through my blood. God this isn't fair. I turn the last corner and face the café. He's nowhere to be seen yet and I decide to lean against the wall a bit before walking inside. I need to calm down a bit.

"Please come inside..." Wonwoo sends me in a text. My mouth drops open a little. He knows I'm here and apparently he's inside already. I feel stupid. More stupid than before. A sigh escapes my lips as I walk inside of the café. Wonwoo is at a little table in the back and I wonder how the hell he knew I was standing outside. He waves for me to join him and I shoot him a little smile. He looks so cute, whatever he does. I sit down opposite him and he waves over the waiter.

"What do you want?" he asks me, shoving the menu into my hands. I chuckle and take a latte macchiato. "I'm glad you came." He smiles for the first time and I swear you can hear my heart break into tiny little pieces. That smile just makes you want to hug him and never let him go.

"I'm glad you invited me", I say a little humble. I mean it too; this is something I didn't expect.

"Well, we need to get to know each other of course", his tone is low as the waiter puts down my coffee. I take a sip and also take him in. He's wearing an oversized sweater again. I guess he's comfortable in those clothes. They hang off his slender body and make me imagine things.

"So who is your favourite writer?" I dive right in and he gives me a little chuckle. We sit and talk like that for a little while. It seems like we're getting along really well. We share a lot of passions, but differ in a lot of departments too. It's nice to get to know him. He keeps on stealing glances at my eyes and my hands. It seems like he is a bit nervous too. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one here. He does lick his lips frequently, making my attention wander to his lips. God, I need to get a grip on myself.

"How long have we even been here?" He asks me and I finally get out of my trance. It feels like we've been in our little bubble all this time. Time to get out of it. I look at the clock and am surprised we've been here a total of three hours already.

"Has it really been that long?" I say, a bit surprised. Wonwoo shakes his head and grins a little.

"Time flies when you're having fun?" Wonwoo says with a little voice. It's barely a whisper, but it still sounds incredibly deep. I lean in a bit.

"Were you? Having fun?" I whisper back, to see how he would react. It's satisfactory. He blushes a little and leans in too.

"I may have had fun", he whispers back and I chuckle. God he is cute when he's like this. He pulls his sleeves over his hands again and leans back with a little grin. I lean back too and just look at him. I'm not going to break this silence. "Do you want to go home?"

"I don't know. Do you?" I tilt my head to the side and look at him again.

"I don't know either," his chuckle comes naturally. It's like we've been friends for a while.

"Want to go for a walk around campus? I don't know all the spots yet, but you can show me?" I suggest and he nods his head.

"That's actually a pretty good idea", he gets up and holds out his hand to pull me up too. It's the first physical contact we've ever had. I take it and feel a little spark as our skins touch. This is overwhelming. It seems like he feels it too and pulls back a bit too quickly. It gives him away.

We exit the café. Wonwoo paid for our coffees. This seems more and more like a date. It feels that way too. We walk beside each other without talking all that much. I guess we're enjoying each other's company so much that we don't need to talk. I keep on stealing glances at Wonwoo and catch him doing the same thing. We both blush a lot and keep walking. Night has already fallen and the stars are out.

"They are so beautiful", I say while looking up, finally breaking the silence between us.

"Yeah", he says, but he's not looking up, he's looking at me. I blush even deeper and he turns his head up to the sky. "They are." He clears his throat and pretends that that just didn't happen.


	4. Three

The date lasts just a few minutes more. My parents are calling me to know where the hell I am and why I'm not home yet. They just have to ruin everything. I just want to stay in this moment for the rest of my life, not caring about anything else but Wonwoo. I sigh and take out my phone. 

"Yes?" I say as I pick it up. Wonwoo keeps on watching me, but backs a bit up to give me some privacy.

"When do you think you're coming home?" My mother asks me and I roll my eyes.

"I'm old enough to stay out this late, mother... And why are you at my dorm?" I whine a bit. She hates it when I do that;

"We are visiting. You haven't come home this weekend... Get home this instant, young man. Where are you? The campus?" She's probably going through my things as we speak.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes, make yourselves at home..." I push the red button and she's gone. I sigh heavily and sit down on a nearby bench. My parents have a real knack for interrupting anything good going on for me. It's like they have a sixth sense: 'my son is being happy, quickly! Let's ruin it!' That's what they're thinking at those times. I'm positive by now.

"What is it?" Wonwoo asks me while sitting down next to me on the bench. He is so close, yet so far away from me. Is it weird to want to be closer to him? Why does he have this kind of pull on me?

"My mother and father are at my dorms... Apparently they want to see me", I sigh again. I really don't want to leave this spot. It's like I was meant to stay here forever.

"Oh, and is that a problem?" he asks me. Totally not knowing how the relationship between me and my parents is. And why should he know? I've never told him about it. Hell, we've only been talking for a good day or so.

"It's... complicated..." I choke out and then look up at him. His eyes are focussed on my as he takes me in. It takes me off guard completely. The way he looks at me makes my heart skip a few beats. The genuine concern in those eyes make me feel a certain kind of way. A way I should not be feeling. Some people would call his eyes and expressions cold. I've heard it many times on campus, but I can read so many things in them. It's like I've decoded the lock to reading him. Or maybe he is letting me read him for some reason.

"If there's anything you want to talk about..." he starts off and I can't help myself from smiling like a lunatic. He must think I'm crazy right now. "What is it?" he smiles shyly too. It makes his eyes light up in a boyish manner.

"Nothing. I'll tell you all about what's going on. But not now. Later. I don't want anything ruining this anymore than it already has..." It's out there. I've said it. There's no taking it back now. And he doesn't seem bothered by it. In fact, he reaches over and squeezes my arm a little while flashing me that same boyish smile. I think I'm going to be sick in a good way. My head is spinning and the butterflies in my stomach won't stop fluttering around. I'm going to burst with happiness if he doesn't stop this soon.

"I'll be here waiting for you if you want to talk", he adds and I lean in to kiss his cheek. I can't help it anymore. The cute way he is acting has me in a daze. And I do some crazy things while I can't think. I'm not thinking about what people who walk by will think, I'm not thinking about my parents and hell, I'm not even thinking about what he will think. The only thing I am thinking about is how he makes me feel in this moment right here. And let me tell you. It is pretty damn amazing.

Wonwoo doesn't pull back from me. He doesn't even remove his hand from my arm as I kiss his cheek softly. His skin is as soft as I'd imagined. It looks like he takes care of it. Not excessively, but just the right amount. I miss the contact as soon as I pull back. His cheeks have warmed up and so have mine. I feel like I'm drunk on soju, but I'm not.

"What was that for?" he asks while cutely lifting his other hand to feel his cheek. It's still covered in his sweater, so it's a sweater paw. My heart feels like it's going to burst again. His eyes meet mine and demand sincerity.

"You were cute, that's all", I whisper and pull back some more before I actually kiss him on the lips. Now that would be bad. This is a first date and I need to get home. If I kiss him now there's a list of possibilities that can happen. 1) He can run for the hills. 2) I might not want to stop kissing him. 3) People might catch us. 4) My mother might catch us. I can't even go on with this list since it's senseless of me to even think about kissing him now.

"Thank you", he whispers back. That deep voice always catches me off guard. How can someone that cute have a voice like that? Is it even possible to be perfect like that?

"I do have to go now..." I say with a lot of regret. We both get up, his hand sliding down my arm and finding my hand. I intertwine my fingers with his as we walk on a little. I don't want to let go just yet.

"Can I walk you back to your dorms?" he asks me and I shake my head. If my mother catches us, I'll be send overseas like she planned to in the beginning.

"Let me walk you back", I counteract and he giggles a little. How is that even possible? How can he make my heart beat like that with just that little sound?

"Okay", he doesn't say no. That's a good sign. And he is still holding my hand. Which is also a good sign. We walk back in silence as I concentrate on the pressure of his hand against mine. For once it is not covered in sweater material. His hand feels a little bit rough, like he uses them a lot. Not like mine. Mine are smooth like a baby's bottom because I've never worked a day in my life. I've worked at the company now and then because my father thought I should learn the ropes. But that's no comparison to the callouses he has on his hands. They're from real work. What's his home situation like? Does he have enough money to get by?

His hand is warm too, as if it's transferring all his body heath to mine. It makes me feel warm all over. Like I'm sweating. God, I love this feeling. I actually feel as if I'm in love with just this feeling. Maybe even with him himself. But that's a little too early to tell.

"We're here", he says confidently as we stand in front of one of the dorms. It's not too far away from mine actually. This is a good sign too.

"Mine is just around the corner", I chuckle and he smiles too. I love his smile, have I mentioned that before? I think I have. Must have mentioned that.

"Let's meet often, okay? Because I had a really good time tonight..." his voice gets more quiet towards the end. Like he's scared I won't say the same thing.

"One of the best nights of my life", I add to his confession and his head snaps up from our hands to meet my eyes. Like he can't believe what I just said. But I mean every single word of it. This is one of the happiest days of my life. And he is the sole reason for that.

"Come on. Your parents are waiting", he ushers me while pushing me away a little. I don't give in and wrap him inside of my arms. He struggles in the beginning, but then gives up and embraces me with all his might. I actually feel like I might break him, that's how thin he is. I could tell from his wrists and collarbones, but he's always wearing oversized shirts so I couldn't tell for sure. Now that I embrace him I can feel his bones poking out in various areas where they should be tucked away by some fat. Is he starving himself? Is he eating enough? Does he have enough money to actually buy proper food? There are all kinds of thoughts going through my head.

I pull back from the hug a little and look down. We're both tall, but he's just a little smaller than me. Which makes me feel really good. I like being taller than the person I like. Did I really just say 'the person I like'? Damn, I'm getting sappy.

"Good night, Mingyu", he whispers and steps back.

"Good night, Wonwoo. And sweet dreams." He turns his back towards me and walks inside of his dorm building. He turns around just one more time to wave his sweater pawed hand at me. And I could've died at that exact moment and not regretted a thing. This was just the right amount of love for one night.

Now I need to head to my own dorms and see my parents. They're already waiting and probably are going to give me a hard time for not coming earlier. Sorry, but I had more important things to take care of. Not that they would understand any of it. I haven't even told them about my elective, let alone tell them about making a new friend. A guy friend whom I'm interested in in a romantic way. I'd be disowned right away.

I open the door to my dorm room and step inside. My parents are sitting at the small table I have. They offered to buy me a bigger dorm or even an apartment, but I wouldn't have it. I want to live like a proper student, not just someone pretending to be a part of it. Everyone would look at me funnily if they knew about my parentage. A lot of people in my business class already know, but Wonwoo doesn't. I feel like he would look at me differently if he knew. And I don't want that just yet. Not until we really know each other.

"There you are!" my mother exclaims as soon as I walk through the door. "Do you even know what time it is?? Shouldn't you be studying?!" She always nags me like that.

"Son, be sure to put a lot of effort in studying, okay?" my father does his yearly input. He never says much; mother mostly speaks for the both of them. Father doesn't have any kind of authority inside of our house, the only please where he's actually the boss is our company. My mother has no say in that.

They stay for a while longer and chat some more. Making me promise I'll go home this weekend. I nod to make them feel better and send them off. Then I lie down on my bed, thinking about the night.

"I'll be dreaming of you", Wonwoo has texted me and I feel as if I'm floating around on cloud nine.


	5. Four

I am tossing and turning in my bed. Wonwoo's little text is still playing through my head. I just can't seem to let it go while trying to sleep. Why will he be dreaming about me? And why did he feel the need to share it with me? My heart is hammering inside my chest while I turn once more. I'm facing the wall while reliving the night I just had. It was perfect in every single way. Just like a first date should be. We were both enjoying ourselves, or so I hope. At least I was.

My parents gave me a lecture on how to be responsible. Apparently I am not focussing enough on school, which was what they were afraid off. Since I already live in Seoul, they wanted me to stay at home, but I want to know what life in university is really like. And they can't stop me when I put my mind on something. Mom told me she's coming by every single week to check on me. Without telling me beforehand. It sucks, but I can handle her, for now.

The sun rises sooner than expected and I feel even more sleepy. But falling asleep is not in my books for today. It seems I'll have to survive on no sleep at all. Thank you, Jeon Wonwoo. You're taking my heart, my thoughts and my sleep. Isn't that enough already? I'm joking. I absolutely love this feeling. The feeling of being restless and looking forward to seeing someone you really like. The feeling of waiting for their texts and smiles. That damn smile of his. It makes my heart skip a dangerous amount of beats.

"Mingyu! You're going to be late for class!" Seunkwang yells at the other side of my door. He sure is loud and bossy, but he's like the mother of our dorms. He looks out for us and cleans up our messes. Which is why we really like him.

"I'm coming!" I yell back and groan a little. I really needed that sleep, but I guess I'll have to do without it for now. I won't die. I've done this before.

I stand in front of my closet. This is the first time I've actually cared about what I'm wearing. I want Wonwoo to really look at me, not just see me. I want to look good for him. Am I completely losing my mind right now? The first shirt is a definite no. It's way too wide, he won't notice that I actually work out. I try on a different set of t-shirts, but in the end I settle for a nice white dress shirt on my jeans. I tuck it in my jeans and leave the top button undone. This way he can see I work out and I look classy to top it off. That will definitely catch his attention!

The only problem is: we don't have class together today. The only possible way to see him is text and ask to work on our project. Which could be seen as pushy since we just saw each other yesterday. Will he think I am annoying? Oh, what the hell. I did not dress up for nothing. I'm calling him. Now.

"Mingyu?" he asks as soon as he picks up. He sounds a bit surprised if you ask me.

"Hi, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" I could slap myself for being so inconsiderate. Maybe he doesn't have morning class...

"No, it's fine. I'm just surprised that you called me when I was about to call you", he chuckles a little in the middle. Did I just hear that right? He wanted to call me too?

"Oh, what did you want to talk about?" I try to sound casual and not desperate. Which probably failed.

"I wanted to meet up today..." he leaves a little pause. "To work on our project?" I smile at how nervous he sounds. That makes two of us.

"I was about to ask the same thing", I smile like a dork while walking out of my room. Seunkwang is looking at me weirdly while I walk past.

"Want to meet up at the same coffee shop?" he asks, clearly a bit more sure of himself.

"Yeah, when do you have time?"

"I have lunch period off, you?"

"Same, I'll see you there for lunch?" this is me casually asking him out again.

"I'll see you for lunch", he says and I can almost see the smile appearing on his face. That cute, genuine smile that lights up his whole face. What am I even saying? It lights up this whole world, universe even! "Bye."

"Bye", I breathe out as he disconnects. That was... something. I'm awestruck that he had the same idea as me. And now we're even going to eat lunch together! Yay me! I think I should stop worrying so much about him not liking me at all. But we still have the bigger issue at hand here... is he interested in me in a way that means 'more as a friend'? Or does he just see me as a friend he likes talking to? The way he acted last night tells me that he likes me in the attracted kind of way. But I can be reading the signals all wrong. He could be just trying to be friendly towards me because he thinks of me as a friend. And we all know how much friends like to have skinship here in Korea. It's a pretty common thing if you ask me.

And I'm down again. This is what I do every single time something good happens in my life. I rationalise it and just belittle myself all the time. It's a remnant of my parents always doing so. Making me be grateful for all the things I have and others don't. I need to stop doing so and Wonwoo might be my ticket out of my self-pity.

"What are you smiling about?" Seungkwan asks me as I sit down at the table for breakfast. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you have a crush on someone."

My head snaps in his direction. Did he figure me out already? What does he think about me liking boys? It's so controversial. Will he not be my friend after finding out about me liking another guy? Why is this so hard?

"Hey, chill! I don't know who it is... But if you want to tell me...?" he casually remarks as he puts some cereal in front of me. I stuff my face and get up, ready to leave for my class.

"See you later."

The hallways are packed since it's still the beginning of the year. Everyone always comes to class when it's just started. To find out if it's even worth coming to. I intend to go to every single class, always. To be a good student, that is required of you. Plus, I don't want my grades to drop and result in me not getting to be here anymore. That would be very unfortunate if you ask me.

My business classes always drag on. I feel like I've seen this so many times before. Probably from all the tutoring lessons my parents arranged for me before coming here in the first place. It does make everything a lot easier to follow. Everyone around me is always scribbling something down he said. I just sit and listen to the teacher. They say so much more when you actually pay attention to how they talk. I've always been good at calculating what teachers are going to ask on a test. It's part of why I got first place in high school all the time.

The teacher finally ends the lesson and I shoot out of the room. I want to be at the coffee shop as soon as possible after having that lecture for 3 hours straight. That guy doesn't know how to take breaks. It's now 11:45, so I have 15 minutes to spare. Did Wonwoo have class in the morning? Is he already there? What if I seem to eager again? Well, what the hell, I'll just do it. Get over it.

I enter the shop and Wonwoo is nowhere to be seen yet. Guess he had class after all. I sit down at the same table in the back as yesterday, with my face turned towards the entrance of the coffee shop. I want to see him see me. In my white dress shirt. All I have to do is not spill anything on it until he gets here. Will he notice it? Will his pupils dilate as soon as he sees me? God, I hope so. It's the only thing I truly want today.

The minutes drag on as I sit there with my coffee. I wanted to keep myself from drinking it before Wonwoo came in, but it is already turning cold. I take a sip just to have a taste of it. Wonwoo doesn't show up for the next half hour. I'm getting desperate right now. Where is he? Why doesn't he call or text me? Was this all a joke? What if it was? How foolish am I? I put my head in my hands and slightly pull my hair as my elbows lean on the table. Every single time I hear that little bell go off, I feel like my heart is going to explode with excitement to only be disappointed by not seeing him at all. My phone is still deadly silent as I just stay in that position. Next time the bell goes off; I will not look. I will not disappoint myself anymore.

The bell goes off and I break my own rule. I look up as fast as I can, but this time I am not disappointed. Wonwoo is running towards me, out of breath, all sweaty. His raven black hair is plastered against his forehead with sweat. His cheeks are red from all the running he must have done. This is honestly too much to take. And to think I was mad at him for standing me up. When he shows up like this, you can't stay mad. He looks absolutely adorable.

"I am..." he starts saying but then he looks at me from head to where the table blocks the rest of the view. Thank god is does block the view. He drinks me in, greedily as his pupils, yes, dilate. My heart is hammering inside of my chest.

"Yes?" I ask, clearly happy with myself for the result.

"Sorry..." he shakes his head as if he wants to concentrate again. "My class was across campus and I forgot to tell you that it doesn't end until 12. It normally takes me 20 minutes to get here. Now it took me 10", he proudly says while undoing his coat and scarf. He hangs them on the back of his seat and I take in his slender body again. I never seem to get enough of looking at it. He looks perfect just the way he is.

"It's fine. I'm glad you could make it", I smile widely and usher the waitress over so Wonwoo can take his order.

"Yes, sir?" she asks as she clearly blocks out Wonwoo to talk to me. I'm kind of uncomfortable with it since Wonwoo is shifting in his seat.

"My friend would like to order", I dryly remark and she finally turns to Wonwoo, with a smile that isn't as big as the one she was just giving me. Wonwoo orders something random and then turns to me again.

"Do you always get that kind of attention from girls?" he asks, clearly curious.

"Kind of. I wish they didn't... And I don't know why..." I state and roll my eyes. I'm honestly sick of it.

"It's probably the shirt..." he mutters under his breath. I clearly wasn't meant to hear that, but I did.

"What was that?" I ask with a big smile.

"Nothing", his eyes turn big and he turns away. This time his cheeks are red from all the blushing, not running. I love it.

The girl returns with his order and slips me a piece of paper. I open it up and see a number. 'Call me later.' I laugh out loud and then rip the piece of paper up. Like hell I'm going to call her. Wonwoo does not seem happy.

"What is it?" I ask as I take another sip from my cold coffee, trying to act as if it's still warm to not make him feel bad.

"I'm jealous", my heart skips a thousand beats at once.

"I'm sure you get that too all the time. Girls must love you."

"Don't get me wrong. I'm jealous of the girl. She can actually make you smile like that..." he mutters a little louder than before. My heart has officially stopped beating.


	6. Five

My mouth is hanging open and I’m sure he can see all the way through to my stomach… Did he really just say that? And what the hell does it really mean? I look at him, questioning. He does not meet my eyes at all, in fact, he’s avoiding them altogether. I shake my head to make sure I’m not dreaming. 

“What do you mean?” I ask, clearly curious. 

“Hmm?” he finally looks up, his cheeks are heated and I can feel a smile creeping onto my face. 

“With what you just said. Clearly you can make me smile like that”, I state, grinning like a fool. This is one of the happiest moments in my life. 

“Forget about it”, he hides behind his hair and looks down to his lap. This guy… how can he be so cute? It causes me to have chest pains. 

“What if I don’t want to forget about it?” I whisper back, barely loud enough for him to hear. His head snaps up and he looks at me. Now he’s the one who’s curious about what I just said. We’re challenging each other while doing this in a full coffee shop, but that makes it all the more exciting. 

“Did I just hear that correctly?” he whispers back. 

“That depends…” 

“On?” 

“If I heard the other thing correctly…” Our eyes are locked onto each other and there is no more escaping. It’s like the whole coffee shop has disappeared and we’re the only ones left. I can’t hear the noises or smell the coffee anymore. The only thing on my mind is Wonwoo and the way he’s looking at me. This can’t be real. 

“In that case…” he starts out, but suddenly someone interrupts us. It’s that damn Minghao again. Is he following us around or something? 

“Hey! What are you two doing here?” he asks while sitting down, uninvited if you ask me. We both glare at him, but I fix my expression as fast as I can. Can’t let this ruin my mood. 

“We’re working on our project”, I say and he actually looks relieved. Wonwoo has gone back to looking at his hands in his lap. We’re right back where we started. 

“Good! For a moment I thought you were having a date!” Minghao starts laughing and if there ever was a moment I wanted to punch someone so badly, it’s now. He’s totally ruined our date. Yes, I’m calling it that since we had a moment there. Obnoxiously, I laugh with him, trying to take the stress away. Wonwoo looks up at me, kind of hurt. And I know why. I just laughed with the possibility of us ever dating, that’s never a good thing to do when you’re actually on a date. 

“Excuse me, I have class”, Wonwoo starts packing up his things again and stands up. He doesn’t bow towards us, since he’s the older one. “I’ll see you later.” I don’t know who he’s actually talking to. Me or Minghao? Because he has a lot of classes with Minghao… and we only have one. Or does he want to see me tonight? My head is hurting. 

“Well, that was kind of curt, no?” Minghao starts whining. Whenever he begins, there is no end. Seokmin joins us in the end. He’s another one living in my dorms. He’s pretty chill and I’ve heard him sing in the shower. The dude could’ve been an idol for sure, with his looks and skills… Too bad he chose university over that. Apparently his parents made him chose this so he didn’t do anything with his talents. “Talent doesn’t earn you money these days. Not enough…” he said one night. I kind of feel bad for him because his family isn’t wealthy and he actually needs to go study to make it better for them. I also feel a big amount of respect.

“Was that Wonwoo who I just saw running off?” Seokmin starts the conversation while ordering a Chai Latte. 

“Yeah, he and Mingyu are in a group project together. They were having a meeting…” Minghao says while sipping from his coffee to go he got before interrupting. 

“I heard this rumour about Wonwoo…” Seokmin says in a hushed tone as if Wonwoo could actually hear us. The guy ran out of here at the speed of lightning. He’s long gone by now.

“What is it?” I’m kind of intrigued by it while leaning in. 

“I heard he likes boys… He used to be a cast out at his high school because he liked a boy once… Not that it bothers me, but he’s been introverted ever since…” Seokmin says with a sad expression. It’s not easy being gay in Korea. People look at you differently because it’s still such a taboo around here. Western countries are far ahead of us in that department. 

“It’s sad to hear that’s why he doesn’t like talking to people…” I sigh and take a sip from my ice cold coffee. The heath is completely gone by now. 

“But he seems to be opening up to you…” Minghao adds and I almost spit out my coffee right there and then. “He was smiling while talking to you. He doesn’t do that too often…” 

“Well, I hope he keeps on smiling then”, I say, a bit more shy. I hope they don’t catch on on the fact that I’m falling for Wonwoo. Slowly. Faster. I don’t know anymore. I don’t even know where it started in the first place. Was it the first time I saw him? Or was it when we talked during class? It’s all a blur. 

We say goodbye since I have an evening class to get to. It’s all the way across campus and I suddenly realise I haven’t eaten a thing. The whole situation with Wonwoo made me forget to eat. I have class until 8, I won’t last that long. I search for a convenience store right off campus, but can’t find any. I guess I’ll have to make do until I’m finished with class. Maybe one of my friends has something to eat with them. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. 

In the end I’m very disappointed and very hungry. None of my classmates has something to eat with them because they didn’t have class all day. This sucks. Why does this have to happen with me? At least I have my bottle of water, but it doesn’t contain the growls in my stomach. I need food and soon. The sooner the better. Class ends and I almost stumble outside in my search for food. I go off campus, because campus food sucks. In the end I find a convenience store and walk inside. There are cup ramen here and I need those badly right now. 

“Mingyu?” I hear from behind me and the voice sends shivers down my spine. 

“Hey”, I say, shyly, not able to think straight because of the food and the way Wonwoo is looking at me. He’s worried because I’m wobbly on my feet. Cute.

“Are you okay?” he asks, while taking a few more steps in my direction to get a hold on me. Must be a funny sight, to see a smaller guy supporting someone as tall as me. 

“I just need food, forgot to eat at lunch and had class until now…” I explain and Wonwoo nods. He puts me down in a chair by the window and takes my cup ramen.

“Stay here”, he says while going over to the microwave. “Do you want cheese in it?” he asks and I nod. This is nice. This feeling is nice too. He’s taking care of me. I watch him the whole time and smile. God he looks good while concentrating on something. Even better than when he smiles. He’s putting his everything into making good cup ramen for me. Which is ridiculous. “Stop looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you want to eat me instead of those cup ramen…” he says without even turning around. He’s watching the ramen in the microwave. 

“You’re cute”, I blurt out and realise what I just said was out loud and not in my head. Wonwoo’s head snaps into my direction, he’s blushing, big time. It makes my heart race even more. Then he turns back around because the microwave is done. 

“You’re delusional because you’re hungry”, he says while putting my ramen in front of me. I don’t even take the time to look at it since I’m just so hungry. I eat the whole thing without thinking and look up at Wonwoo sometimes. He’s smiling while I eat. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” I really want to know. 

“It pleases me to see you enjoy your food so much. Makes you seem like a little kid or something”, he says while leaning his chin on his folded hands to look at me some more. Weirdly it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I never feel that way while I’m around Wonwoo. He’s the only person on this planet who can make me feel this good about myself without even trying to. I finish the whole thing and Wonwoo seems less happy now. 

“Done?” he asks me and gets up to take it away from me. I place my hand on top of his and squeeze it softly. 

“Thank you”, I whisper and he’s back to blushing. I’ve missed the feeling of his bare skin against mine. It’s been since our little date. It hasn’t even been that long, really. God, am I going crazy? I must be… 

“No problem”, he says in a monotone voice. Why is he not showing his emotions like he did before? Was it because I hurt him earlier? 

“Are you upset with me?” I ask, smooth, dude, smooth. I could’ve gone for the less direct way, but no. I’m tactless. Always have been when it comes to things like these. He sits back down in front of me. “Ever since the coffee shop and you running out I have the feeling you’ve been upset. And I’m the cause of that. I shouldn’t have laughed at that statement, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings…” 

“No, it’s okay. I overreacted… Of course you’d laugh at something so ridiculous…” he tries to laugh it off, but I’m not buying it. 

“Don’t be like that. I don’t think it is ridiculous at all. Especially not if you think it’s important enough to get upset over…” I lean in to make my point. “It’s okay to be who you are.” 

Wonwoo actually wipes away a lonely tear underneath his eye. My heart absolutely breaks when I catch that. “I’m not normal. You should not be friends with me. People will look at you differently.” 

“I don’t care. I want to be friends with you. Hell, I want to be near you all the time.” This confession comes out of nowhere. I feel as if I have to reassure him. 

“Do you even know what I am?” he asks, all serious. 

“I heard some things, yes…” 

“About me liking boys?” he asks, his throat is closing up. 

“Yes.” 

“And?” 

“I don’t care… Actually no, I do care. I care because I absolutely like you…” God, cringe attack here I come. 

“You what? As a friend?” Wonwoo’s eyes are open wide. 

“No, silly.” I reach over to take his hand in mine. We both relax the second our skins touch. “I like you as way more than a friend.” His blush is back and I absolutely love it. “I want to take care of you like you just took care of me. Will you let me do that much?” I ask. 

He nods slowly. “Just don’t leave me.” My heart is both beating like crazy and breaking at the same time. What must he have gone through to have to feel like this? 

“I’ll never leave you. And I’ll make you forget all those bad things.”


	7. Six

We somehow made it back to my dorms without too much trouble. Wonwoo clearly has some issues he needs to work through and I’m happy to help him with that. The way he acted tonight caught me off guard and made me see just how fragile of a person he is. And somehow it makes my heart break into a thousand little pieces. The way he asked me to not hurt him. This is not a normal reaction for a boy our age. The things he has been through must have been so bad, so scarring that he thinks everyone is going to do that to him. I, for one, will try to never hurt him. 

There is one other thing I can’t do either. And that is fix him. The way I see it, he wants me to help fix him. But this is something he’ll have to do for himself. And not for me. I do want to be there every single step of the way. 

“I’ll see you in the morning…” Wonwoo says shyly before kissing my cheek and walking off. He doesn’t look back or say something else. The dynamic between us has changed considerably. 

Tonight there are no texts, suggesting things. Tonight, I fall asleep, worried. What if he is crying all by himself? What if he thinks he’s not good enough for anyone? I can’t stand that thought. 

Morning comes way too slowly and I have not slept a single wink. I’m up at the brink of dawn, going for a run. Normally I work out more, but the last few weeks I’ve been slacking off thanks to Uni. Running always seems to calm me and clear my mind. I don’t even bring my music with me since the sounds of the city are music to my ears anyways. All the cars and all the noise drowns out my thoughts. It’s the only thing I need.

I find myself at the bank of the Han river, staring out at the water. It’s so calm this morning, just swaying back and forth. There are no ships or people at all on the river. The weather is steadily turning cold again and people tend to stay in during these times. I slowly rake my hand through my hair while I let out a big sigh. Things are not easy. 

The run back is not any easier. Wonwoo keeps spooking through my mind all the time. He pops up every single time I see a couple walking by. It doesn’t matter if they are boy and girl, it shouldn’t matter anyway. I have never thought of myself as someone who likes OR boys OR girls. I don’t care about such things. The only things that matter are who that person is and how they treat you. Sex is just a side thing we should not care about. 

Class starts again and I can’t focus at all. Wonwoo told me he’d see me in the morning, but where? We don’t have class together until next week. And he’s not at the door of my classes. Was he just reassuring me? Is he okay? Damn, I want to know now. 

“Are you okay? When and where do we meet?” I send him in a text. My worries take the best of me. Hansol is sitting next to me and sees me fidgeting all the time. At one point he even takes my phone away from me. 

“It’s not going to make them text you back any faster…” he says in a low tone while he keeps his gaze trained on the screen in front of the class. He does have a point, but I don’t like people touching my phone. Especially not now when I want Wonwoo to text me back asap. 

“I’m sorry…” I mumble and reach out to take my phone back. He puts it inside of his pocket on the other side of his jeans. I’m about to whine, but realise I’m in the middle of class. 

“I’ll let you know if this person texts you back… meanwhile, you focus on class”, he says in stern voice. He always does this. I kind of hate it, but it’s good for me. I need someone to put me in my place sometimes.

The rest of class just goes by. I don’t get a text back from Wonwoo at all. It’s kind of disappointing to get my phone back from Hansol while no one has texted me back yet. He almost looks like he feels sorry for me. God, this is kind of embarrassing. I walk outside, ready for my next class as I spot Wonwoo across my building. I almost run over to him. He’s with some of his friends. 

“Hey, Wonwoo”, I say in a low voice as he turns around to see me. He doesn’t show any kind of emotion. His friends look at me too. 

“Hey, Mingyu. Guys, this is Mingyu from my literature class”, he introduces me to his friends. “Mingyu, this are Seungcheol and Jeonghan. They are in most of my art classes.” 

They both greet me and smile while looking at me from head to toe. They don’t seem like the loud types. Just the way he is. They’re a bit more reserved. I desperately want to talk to Wonwoo alone, but they don’t seem to get that hint. 

“Can we talk later?” I ask, trying not to be too obvious. He, again, does not show any kind of emotion. 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll text you”, he says and then nods. “We need to go.” They all walk off. I blame his friends for him being so cold towards me. The other times he was just a bit reserved and shy, but this was stone cold. Like he didn’t even really know me. And it hurts more than you can imagine. To have the guy you like and worry about, kind of ignore you and your feelings. I hope this does get better with time. I get that he got vulnerable last night and needs time to adjust to it. And his friends probably don’t even really know him like I do. Obviously they know him in some other kind of way, but this is a part of Wonwoo not a lot of people have seen yet. I hope. It didn’t seem like that. 

The rest of the day goes by and he does not text me back once. He’s totally ignoring me. I mean, I’m not stupid, I even got into university with the highest grades in my prestigious school. What does he take me for? I walk over to his dorms and bang on his door. He opens in a few seconds and I storm inside. Somehow I feel like I’m a jealous boyfriend, checking in on him. His place is not very tidy, so different from mine. He seems to really live here. 

“What are you doing here?” he sighs and sits down on his bed. 

“I asked you if we could talk later and you said yes. But you never once texted me back…” God, do I sound desperate… 

“Oh sorry, must’ve forgot because of class”, he seems to be lying, but I can’t tell since he’s really good at it. His eyes are boring into mine and I feel uncomfortable. It’s the first time I’ve felt like this while being around him. 

“Cut the bullshit, Wonwoo…” I sigh and rake my hands through my hair because I’m nervous. Nervous of getting hurt somehow. He can do this to me. 

“What do you want to hear then?” he asks, looking at the floor. His act is slipping, slowly. He can’t keep this up forever. 

“I want to hear the truth. You’ve been avoiding me the whole day and you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder in front of your friends. What’s up with all of that? I thought we were getting somewhere…” I start out and can’t even finish what I’m saying because of my emotions. Why do they always have to interfere? I want to be the cool guy for once. 

“Because of last night?” he seems to be mocking me and I just can’t take the tone he is using with me. Does this really mean nothing to him? I can’t think that because of the way he reacted yesterday. He was so different, just for those few minutes. 

“Wonwoo… don’t be like this…” I beg of him. 

“Like what?” he asks me with a straight face. My heart breaks a little more. 

“Like an asshole”, I say back, not even thinking about my tone anymore. My voice breaks a little and he looks up with a vulnerable look. 

“What if this is who I really am?” he whispers. Not even sure of it himself. 

“I know you’re not…” 

“You don’t event really know me…” 

“Wrong. I think I’ve seen a side of you no one knows. Last night was something new for you too…” my voice is stabilising again. He looks at me as if he’s begging me not to go there. I stand up and close the gap between us. He leans back into his chair but I take him by the arm, lightly, and pull him up. “Just try to deny it.” 

He looks into my eyes and seems to be lost in them. I reach closer and our noses touch. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and see him closing his eyes. He is anticipating a kiss. And I’ll give him just that. A kiss. Our lips touch lightly and I kiss him once. My heart seems to be stopping every single time our lips touch. I pull back a little and he pulls me back in, kissing me a little harder. This is what I wanted all along, to make him take initiative. My hands slide along his waist as I pull him in closer. Meanwhile his hands slide around my neck and he pulls himself up. Our lips never leave each other while my heart is hammering against my chest at the same tempo as his. I can feel it. I can feel us both losing ourselves in each other. Savouring the way the other person feels. My mind is finally at ease with him because it feels as if we were always meant to kiss. As if he’s my other half in some weird kind of way. I pull back for air eventually and lean my head against his for a little while. We both catch our breaths as he keeps his eyes closed. I smile because it feels so damn good. 

My hands slide up to cup his face. He finally opens his eyes and looks into mine. He seems so small and cute at the same time with his heated cheeks. He’s biting his lip, challenging me to kiss him again. I do want to, but we need to talk first. My head is still filled with clouds. He can make me agree to anything while he stares at me like that.


	8. Seven

We both stay silent for a while, just looking at each other and what the other just did. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that we just kissed and it was the best kiss of my life. Which isn’t really that hard since I haven’t kissed a lot of guys, but I did kiss some girls and they didn’t even come close to how it felt with Wonwoo. Everything just feels like it’s falling into its place. Like this was meant to be for some reason. I just hope Wonwoo feels the same way about it all. 

“That was…” Wonwoo starts off after a long period of staring. 

“Amazing?” I ask, hoping that is the word he is looking for. 

“Yes, exactly that”, his smile breaks through and I feel like I’m breaking inside. His smile does that to me. It makes me feel giddy and it feels like I’m the only one who gets to see him this way. 

Somehow I feel kind of weak in the knees and I take some distance from Wonwoo. Being this close to him intoxicates me in all kind of ways. It also makes me want to kiss him again and you can be sure I can’t handle that. My heart and knees will not endure another kiss like that. I sit down in a chair that’s close to me and Wonwoo’s face is heating up. He keeps on looking at the floor for some reason. Like he’s embarrassed of himself. 

“Come here”, I say with a big smile and he obliges. I pull him down to sit on my lap and wrap my arms around his waist. He puts his face in the crook of my neck. How much cuter can he actually get? I feel so giddy. Wonwoo slowly kisses my neck a few times and I feel like passing out from the feeling. 

“You smell good”, he comments after a while of sitting like that. I don’t know how to react to that. He catches me off guard all the time. 

“Like what?” I ask instead, clearly catching him off guard this time. 

“Like you…” he whispers and then looks into my eyes. 

“Wonwoo?! You in there?!” Someone yells from the other side of the door. Wonwoo gets off my lap immediately and tries to straighten himself out. The moment is gone and it’s probably also time for me to leave. I’ve overstayed my welcome. 

“Coming!” he yells back, a bit hoarse. Totally turns me on. 

“I’ll leave, okay?” I whisper to him and he nods. Clearly not bothered by my leaving. I walk over to the door and he opens it, finding another guy on the other side. 

“Jihoon, what are you doing here this late?” Wonwoo asks him and I slip past them both. 

“Good night”, I say and walk off. I don’t want to hear their conversation; it’s already making me jealous. My feet go faster and faster, probably need to go for a run after I get back to my dorm. 

“Mingyu?” I hear a voice panting behind me. Wonwoo ran after me all this time. “I’m really sorry about how that ended. Jihoon is just a friend who came by to ask me about an assignment.” He’s actually explaining himself. 

“Wonwoo, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain yourself…” I start saying, but he interrupts me by kissing me hard on the lips. He then pulls back and is panting even more. 

“I like you and I want to be your boyfriend… If you don’t want that, fine. But you mean so much to me…” I kiss him again, not caring about the fact that we’re out in the open. 

“Silly, of course I want to be your boyfriend! I was worried you didn’t want to be…” My concerns are all just disappearing. 

“You’ll have to be patient since I’m scared of people’s reactions…” he whispers but I don’t mind. Having him as my boyfriend is way more than I could’ve ever wished for. I don’t care if it has to be a secret for a while. He’s mine. As long as we both know that, it’s fine. 

“The only thing I want is for us is to be together. Doesn’t matter if it takes a little longer for you to get adjusted…” I tell him and engulf him in a hug. He hugs me back like his life depends on it. 

There is also a different kind of issue. My parents see me as the perfect son. I’m the one who has always obeyed them and has gone along with everything they said. They even picked out a girl for me to marry. Up until now I have never felt any kind of objection to it, but Wonwoo changes the whole picture. I always thought it would be fine marrying her. We don’t love each other, but that’s something you can build. We could build a friendship. But Wonwoo is making me realise there is so much more than just marrying someone because it’s good for business. 

Her father once spoke to me about becoming his son-in-law. He even mentioned me taking over their family company, which makes a lot of money. I always thought that was my future. This whole situation is making me rethink everything. My life may not be that set in stone as I thought it was. There needs to be a conversation with my parents about all of this. 

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks me while pulling out of our hug. I nod and kiss his forehead. Of course I’m okay, he’s with me. Whenever we’re together I feel at ease and at home. He’s my new definition of home. 

“You need to get back to your friend”, I whisper softly and smile. He makes me want to smile all the time. 

“Let’s meet up for coffee before class okay?” The fact that he’s asking me is a big deal. Up until now I’ve felt like I’ve been doing all the initiatives and he’s just been going along. Today was the perfect example of that. Right now I feel like we’re getting someplace safe and good. A place where we can both just be ourselves and enjoy this relationship. 

“Okay”, I smile and I feel like it’s a goofy one. He returns it and starts walking back. He’s still facing me and walking backwards which makes it even cooler. “Don’t fall!” I say and he just shrugs and turns around. There’s one little wave at the end and he’s gone. I stay outside to recollect myself. Maybe I should go for a run. 

I get back to my dorm and change into my running gear as fast as I can. Everyone looks at me strangely since it’s so late. I could care less. The run makes me clear my mind again. This time I don’t stick to my usual path and end up running way too far. I’m actually almost home. If that’s what you can even call it. There are still some lights on, probably my dad who is working again. He’ll work himself to the grave, that’s for sure. 

“Mingyu?” That voice sounds kind of familiar. 

“Yeon Ah?” I turn around and see her. She lives a few doors down and is the girl I’m supposed to marry when I graduate. 

“It’s so nice to see you again!” she says and bows a little. I’m a year older than her so she has always paid her respects to me. To be honest, there is nothing wrong with her at all. Sometimes I even think she is a robot because of how impeccable she is. Always the right amount of manners, always the right amount of smiles… 

“Yes, sorry. I’m sweaty from my run”, I run my hand through my messy hair and bow a little too. 

“It’s fine. I did not expect to see you here.” 

“I took a run and it took me here”, my smile is plastered on my face for some reason. I feel empty inside while looking at what my life is supposed to be like. It’s not her fault at all. In a way it is Wonwoo’s fault for showing me it could be different. And it is exactly my own fault because I let myself fall into this whole trap. 

“Do you want to have a chat?” she asks and I shake my head. 

“It’s getting late and I have an early morning class. It’s still a long run back to campus. I’ll see you soon, okay?” I start running away from her again and she just waves like she is supposed to do. There’ll be a phone call from my mother in the morning. Asking me why I did not drop by or stay longer to talk to Yeon Ah. 

 

The run back takes longer than I expected to and we’re well into the night when I arrive back at my dorm. I pass out immediately, dreaming about our kiss. Or should I say kisses? 

The next morning, I get ready for my little date with Wonwoo. Is it even an official date? Who knows. The oly thing I do know is that I want to look good for him, no matter what. He needs to notice how much I actually work out, again. He did notice it last time, but this time I want him to I really notice.

I walk outside the door and find Wonwoo already waiting for me right there. This is not like him. I like seeing this new side. 

“Good morning”, he says a bit shy and I greet him back. 

“A good morning it is, indeed”, I say and he blushes some more. The way he blushes is just too cute for me to handle. 

“God, you always make me blush…” he accuses me and smacks my arm. This playful side of him is new too. Is it because we’re going out?

“I can’t help it that you’re just too cute”, I say and kindly kiss the top of his head. He is just the right height for me. I love being taller than the person I’m dating. He seems to like it too. 

“It’s because of these remarks that I blush…” he groans a little and I must say that I really like that sound on him. So many different and new things this morning. 

“Come on, let’s get that coffee. I have class in an hour and I intend to spend all of my remaining time with my boyfriend”, just saying ‘boyfriend’ makes me feel so good. The fact that I can is amazing. 

“You’re such a romantic”, Wonwoo says and starts walking in front of me. We’re not holding hands because there are way too many people around. He does slow down a bit and walks next to me while conversing. We’re both really into it when I hear my name being called. 

“Mingyu!!” and it’s the same name as last night. 

“Yeon Ah…” I say as politely as I can. I’d rather not have her around my boyfriend at all. 

“Are you not going to introduce me to your handsome friend?” she says with a friendly voice. 

“Yeon Ah, this is Wonwoo, my friend. Wonwoo, this is Yeon Ah…” I’m not sure what to say next. 

“His fiancé”, she completes it for me. Wonwoo goes completely white and I know this is the moment I’ve screwed up.


	9. Eight

I try not to be too obvious about my concern for Wonwoo as he starts pulling away a little more. He’s shutting himself down, just when we’ve reached a point where he was totally opening up to me. This must come as a real blow to him and it is all my fault. I should’ve told him from the start that something like this was going to happen. He deserves better than me, way better. 

“Yeon Ah… That is not set in stone yet… You know that as well as I do”, I complain to her and she pulls up her shoulders. 

“You know this is going to happen. Our parents have arranged everything already”, she just says and smiles. I need to get Wonwoo away from her and get him alone to explain all of this. I can’t address this if we’re out in the open. 

“We need to leave, I’m sorry”, I say and nod before taking Wonwoo’s arm and pulling him with me to my dorm. Everyone should be out by now since class is going to start in half an hour. 

“Mingyu, stop”, he whines before I drag him inside. He actually sounds as if he’s in physical pain. It might be because I’m holding on to him so strongly. I examine his wrist and look for marks of my hand. 

“Are you okay?” I ask about both his physical and mental state. He just looks at the ground, insecure. He always seems to be doing that whenever he doesn’t feel at ease. 

“I don’t know…” Wonwoo is clearly avoiding the question right now. 

“I can explain”, I counteract and his head snaps up. His eyes are watery and they are looking straight into my soul. My feet take me closer to him, involuntarily. Before I even know it, we’re engulfed in a hug. The kind that makes it clear how much you really like that person. I want to show him how much he really means to me. 

“Explain”, he says when I finally pull back. I gently pull him with me towards the couch we have in the common room. We both sit down, me slouching, him sitting upright like he always does. Never forgetting his manners. It’s as if he is from a wealthy family and not me. Who knows? 

“My parents are rich. Like really rich… They’ve been wanting me to marry Yeon Ah ever since we were kids. Her father owns a big company and if it were to merge with ours… You’ve probably seen enough dramas to know how that ends…” I sigh. “The thing is that I really don’t like her. She seems fine and all, but acts like a doll. The kind her parents use to get assets. Which is really sad if you think about it.” Wonwoo looks at me with that expressionless face I’ve seen countless times before. “I used to think it wasn’t that bad… She is kind of nice to me and we could grow into loving each other over time. But ever since I met you…” 

Wonwoo’s eyes turn hopeful. I almost kiss him. It’s the micro-emotions that give him away. I’ve learned to look for them and recognise them. 

“Why?” he is breathless as he asks this obvious question. 

“Because I’m falling for you. At first it was slow, but now it’s going so fast. Every single time you’re not with me, you’re on my mind. ‘What is he doing?’ ‘Is he eating well?’ Those are the questions I ask myself.” This confession comes way too early, I know, but he deserves this kind of thing. He deserves to be courted and to feel good about himself. Personally I love him for the way he is. 

“Do you mean that?” My fragile Wonwoo is back. He seems to be so distrusting about everything I say all the time. I guess he really got hurt in the past. I want to heal him. 

“Of course I do”, I place him on my lap and put my arms around his skinny waist. My heart rests comfortably against his shoulder as he rests his chin on my head. It could not get any better than this if you ask me. 

“Thank you”, he says in that low voice that always gets to me. I wonder how he sounds when he sings. Or maybe he is a rapper. Those are the things I want to know about him. The little things that make you fall in love even more. 

“There is nothing to thank me for. If anything: thank you. For not getting mad at me”, I sigh and he kisses the top of my head. That endearing thing makes me feel a lot of emotions at the same time. My adrenaline is pumping, but at the same time I feel so loved. As if he sees me for me. Which no one has ever done before. 

“Don’t you have to get to class?” he asks me, not moving at all. We both want to stay like this for a little while longer. This is home for me. Having Wonwoo hugging me and comforting me is the best feeling in the world. Is this what love feels like? Because if it does, don’t ever let it end, please. I feel like I can touch the sky. 

“Class is so boring without you. And I even hate economics and business. My parents are making me take it. I’d much rather do art…” I whine like a little kid. Wonwoo actually chuckles at that. It’s a deep sound, resonating from within. I can feel it in my bones and hear it in his chest as he laughs. 

“Mingyu… I don’t want to make you tardy…” Wonwoo whines back, imitating me from before. I laugh too this time since it is so cute. What if the rest of our lives can be like this too? I’d never want it to stop. 

“You’re not making me tardy, I’m just not going. There was enough time wasted already today. I have not nearly spend enough time with my boyfriend due to a misunderstanding”, I say and pick him up to carry him to my bedroom. He is as light as a feather. 

“God, you’re strong… Do you work out a lot?” he asks me while looking at my biceps. This is exactly the reaction I was waiting for. He noticed.   
“Only a few times a week”, I casually say like it is nothing at all. He squeezes a bicep and I grin down at him. He seems into it. 

“I wish I could be like that…” he sighs and I put him down on the bed. 

“I like you the way you are right now. It makes me want to protect you from all the evil in the world”, I whisper and sit down beside him while taking my laptop. 

He actually hides his face in his sweater paws. My heart is going to burst if he keeps on pulling stunts like this. 

“I thought we could watch a movie or something”, I say while scrolling through some movies. He nods and finally removes his hands from his face. He gets more handsome every single time I see him. I can’t get enough of it. His profile is just too handsome. That’s why I take out my phone and actually take a picture. 

“Hey! No pictures”, he whines this tme and I smile. 

“You were being so handsome, I could not help myself”, I grin again. This one is going to be my background. His jaw looks like it can cut someone open from just looking at it. 

“I want one of us”, he whispers and I immediately comply. He takes out his phone, puts it on selfie mode and takes a few pictures of us. The first ones are really cute, the ones after that are just goofy. At least me being goofy, Wonwoo looks amazing in every single one of them. 

“Send them to me please”, I ask and he does so immediately. 

We talk some more and finally pick a movie. It’s a romantic comedy, just the way I like them. Some people would call me crazy, but I really love watching them. And it has always been my dream to watch it with the person I like. And now it is coming true. I’m here watching it with Wonwoo. Who seems to be a little uncomfortable in my bed. 

“Do you want to lean on me?” I ask and scoot a little closer. Wonwoo looks like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. How can someone look like that? “You don’t have to…” I mumble but he scoots into my direction too now. Maybe he things he’s hurt my feelings. Which is kind of true. 

“I’m sorry. This is all so new for me…” he explains and I get it. I’ve never done this before too. It can be overwhelming. That’s life. Always giving you new things that require a new set of skills to deal with it. 

“This has kind of always been on my wish list… watching a movie with my boyfriend”, I whisper and he smiles against the shoulder he is resting his head on right now. My heart skips a few beats and we watch the movie again. It’s hard to concentrate when someone is so close to you in a physical and mental way. I’ve never felt so connected with someone the way I do with Wonwoo. 

Halfway in to the movie I look at Wonwoo and he looks up at me. There has been something hanging in the air for quite some time now. The fact that we’re alone in my dorm, in my bed for that matter, doesn’t help at all. I feel myself being drawn in by his eyes and lips. His lips are always so intoxicating. I can almost feel them one mine before they even are. 

We meet halfway and start kissing slowly. The movie is still playing, but we’re too engulfed in each other to even notice. Halfway through I start putting more pressure into the kiss, forcing him to open up and let my tongue in. His warm breath welcomes me as I explore the rest. The sensation coming over me is totally new. I guess even for the both of us, judging from his reaction. 

I get lost in his scent and feeling. He always seems to be able to captivate me in the most tender way. Our kissing gets sloppier as we press our bodies against each other by now. Wonwoo is really into this too. His hands are in my hair and he’s pulling the ends, just the way I like it. I’m discovering so many things tonight. Wonwoo lets out a little grunt and it tips me over the edge. My hands travel down to his butt and I squeeze it. The rest of his body feels so hard, but I want to see it. I want to see what’s underneath all of those oversized sweaters. Is it a trained and fit body? Or is he just really skinny. The suspence is killing me. Over and over again. 

“We need to stop. I’ve never done something like this before”, Wonwoo pants while releasing my mouth. I’m gasping for air as I try to pull away from him. 

“Same goes for me. Sorry if I went too fast”, I whisper and peck his lips one more time. He closes his eyes and enjoys the little pecks I’m giving him. 

“It’s fine. We’ll need to take it slow”, he whispers back and we go back to watching a movie we’ve both neglected to understand. 

Wonwoo eventually falls asleep in my arms and looks so adorable while I try to take a picture without him noticing. This is the good life.


	10. Nine

Somehow we both don’t wake up until early morning. Wonwoo is the first one and he wakes me up gently. When I open my eyes I see this handsome angel smiling down at me like a fool. The first thing I do I reach up with my hand to make sure he is indeed the real thing. He leans into my hand and I pull him down for a soft kiss. His lips are even softer than yesterday. God, is this how it is to be intoxicated by a person? 

“Did you sleep well?” I ask in a hoarse voice. He just smiles and nods. I want to hear his morning voice more than anything. 

“Did you?” he whispers in his deep voice; it makes me want to groan out loud. And somehow I do. Wonwoo’s look is puzzled as I realise this must sound so wrong. 

“I did. Sorry, it’s just…” how do I even tell him this without sounding totally creepy? “Your morning voice…” I can’t go on without cringing internally. 

“It’s okay, I know how you feel”, he kisses my temple and I close my eyes to feel it even better. The butterflies inside my stomach don’t die down, no, they clap their wings even more. It makes me even more giddy and happy to be here with him. 

“Wait, what time is it?” I ask and sit up some more. Wonwoo is actually much cuddlier than he gives off in the beginning. He rests his chin on my shoulder and looks up at me. 

“Around 7 I think”, he says cutely. 

“Shit, we need to get you out of here if we want to keep this quiet. The thing is that my dorm mates wake up ridiculously early…” I explain to him and can see it’s dawning on him too. We’ve been too caught up in our own little world to even think about the other people around us. The fact that it would be really weird to have a guy coming out of your room this early in the morning never occurred to us at all. 

Wonwoo pulls back and sits on the edge of the bed. He is clearly stressed out about being found out. I wish this could be different, to see him more comfortable with himself and us, but this is how things are. He wants some time to come clean to the people around us. And clearly I need some time to tell my parents the truth about me not marrying a girl. Especially not the one they want me to. Why does it all have to be so complicated? Why can’t I just love the person I do? Is it that hard to accept such a thing? 

“It’ll be fine”, I say and inch closer. I wrap my legs around his waist and just hold him. He leans into me, instinctively. I can feel him relaxing against me and I kiss his neck softly. “We’ll wait until they’ve all gone to class.” 

“We’ll be late…” he whispers back, not able to keep himself from giving in. I love the way he acts so submissive with me sometimes. Wonwoo is a very difficult person to figure out. His heart is all closed up, but sometimes I get a glimpse of it and he turns all soft on me. Just like he is doing right now. I don’t know what it is that makes him open up more, but I don’t mind it at all.   
“Don’t think about it too much”, I whisper into his ear and he groans just a little. I love getting this reaction out of him. He is just so amazing like this. 

“I can’t think when you’re this close”, he complains and I chuckle a little. He is being so honest right now. I wonder why. 

“Maybe I should stick this close to you for a while. That way you forget about everything”, I chuckle some more and he elbows me a little. Gosh, he is too cute for words. 

“You’re incorrigible”, he jokes and I smile along. I can only see the side profile of his face, but his smile is spreading across his face. Wonwoo is not even blushing anymore, which means he feels way more comfortable with me. The only thing I truly want is for him to feel like himself when he’s around me. The way I feel when I’m with him… Like he is the only one who understands me. The world can be so cruel sometimes, but they brought me Wonwoo too. Which means I must’ve done something right to earn this. 

“But you like me for it”, I joke back. He tenses up just a little, but then relaxes again. I wonder why he tensed up in the first place. I don’t get an answer to that, but everyone needs their time to say such things. I want to be a good boyfriend and give him the time he really needs. 

“Mingyuuuuuu! You’re going to be late for class!” Seunkwang is at my door and screaming like he always does. I give Wonwoo a little kiss on his cheek and get out of bed. Seunkwang is known for opening the door when he does not get an answer. 

“Coming!” I scream and slip out of the room. I hope Wonwoo will be okay with everything while I’m outside. 

“You got in late yesterday”, Seunkwang accuses me. He’s like the mother of us all sometimes. 

“Had some things to do with friends”, I say casually while getting some cereal and eating it. I need to make something for Wonwoo too. 

“With Wonwoo?” He’s never been someone to act with tact. 

“Yes, he’s my friend”, I roll my eyes at him. Why does it matter that much?

“Look, I know he’s in there, I saw you coming in last night. But I don’t want to be a jerk and call him out on it. It must be difficult enough for the two of you…” he starts off and my mouth drops open, with the cereal dripping out. “You need to be careful if you want to keep this a secret, okay? I don’t care who you like, but some people do. Especially your parents.” 

I shake my head, this is unbelievable. I guess he’s the first one to find out about us. This means I need to go and tell Wonwoo about this. But how do I approach this kind of thing? He’s already scared enough as it is. Don’t want to make it worse. 

“Wonwoo?” I knock on the door and open it up. He is still where I left him, on the edge of my bed. He looks up and seems worried. This makes me want to cuddle him all over again. But I keep my hands to myself, mostly. “I have something to tell you, but promise you’ll hear me out, okay?” 

“What is it?” he asks me, completely alarmed. I take his hand in mine and intertwine our fingers as I sit down. 

“Seunkwang knows, okay? He saw us coming in last night. He won’t tell anyone else, he’s going to keep our secret”, I whisper and Wonwoo’s hand tenses up a little in the process of telling him. “Don’t worry, he’s trustworthy. And he won’t call you out on it.” 

“How do we know? What if everyone starts finding out?” he’s panicking, I feel it. I kiss his lips softly and he calms down a little. 

“Look, I’ve known him for a while now and he doesn’t blab about anything. He’s a good guy. Trust me on this, okay?” I’m hoping he’ll at least trust me. Of all people I should be the one he trusts most. 

“I trust you”, he whispers back and I topple him over on the bed, hugging. This makes my heart race a million times and he’s just argh. We cuddle for a little while longer until his stomach starts making a few noises, telling me it’s time for him to eat something. 

“Come on”, I pull him into our kitchen and out of the bedroom. Seunkwang is still sitting in his chair and smiles when he sees us enter the kitchen. 

“It’s nice to meet you”, he stands up and shakes the one hand that is still free. Wonwoo says the same thing and actually bows a little although he’s the older one. The conversation starts slow, but in the end they’re talking and I’m smiling like a fool. My boyfriend is sitting at a table with my friend. And they’re actually having a decent conversation. I get Wonwoo some food and sit down next to him, placing my hand on his leg. This makes him watch me for a second and then he turns his attention back to my friend. We’re all laughing, Wonwoo a little less than when we’re alone, but we’re getting there. I only have eyes for Wonwoo. He’s the only thing I ever see. 

Wonwoo looks at me often and gives me that little smile he always gives me, the one that makes my heart flutter. Seunkwang is noticing these little things and smiles every single time Wonwoo does that. I’m going to get an earful when Wonwoo’s gone. 

“I have to get to class”, he says while standing up. “It was lovely meeting you, Wonwoo.” Wonwoo nods a little and turns shy all of a sudden. He then leaves us to be on our own. 

“We should get ready too. Everyone should be out of their dorms by now”, I say in a low voice and Wonwoo smiles. Then he gets up and sits down in my lap. He cuddles me a little and then let’s go. He must’ve been so nervous. 

“Thank you”, he says and kisses my lips hard. I kiss him back and totally get lost in it. He does not take initiative a lot, but when he does… His hands are entangled in my hair and mine are firm on his hips. We kiss like that for a few minutes, getting me more turned on than I should be right before class. 

“For what?” I ask when we finally break apart and catch our breaths. 

“For being you.” He kisses me again, a little softer. Then we both get up and get ready to go to class. This day could not have started off better.


	11. Ten

“You have a girlfriend?” Seokmin asks me while trying to read my texts with Wonwoo. I turn my phone away from the nosy son of a… Okay, he’s not that bad because he actually cares about his friends. He takes good care of them too. He just does not need to know about my relationship at this point. We’re doing our best in keeping this thing a secret. Although I want to shout it from the damn rooftops. 

Our texts are innocent, yet so cute. Wonwoo is unexpectedly cute. He does not even need to try. Maybe that’s the power of love? Thinking the person you care about is the cutest thing on the damn planet. I want us to stay like this forever. I do know this is just a period of time because we’ve just gotten together. It will probably end soon, too soon. 

After class I decide to go to his class and surprise him. He has class for an hour longer, so it works out well. By the time I’m across campus there has already passed half an hour. I took my sweet time, buying him something sweet and a coffee. It’ll probably be cold by the time he comes out, but who cares. I’m sure he doesn’t. 

Class ends and I wait for Wonwoo to come out. He’s with some friends, looking restless while he exits. He’s craning his neck, looking for someone. Is it me? Could he be expecting me? I do hope so. He stands there until everyone is gone and that’s the moment I decide to sneak up on him. I come up behind him and slip my arms around his waist. I put my chin on his shoulder and whisper into his ear: “Hello, babe.” Wonwoo shudders a little but gives into my touch and leans his face against mine. 

“You came”, he breathes out and smiles a little. I swear I’m addicted to that little smile of his. The one where he seems perfectly content with everything. I love it. 

“Of course I did. Did you look for me?” I ask, knowing the answer already because he was actually looking for me. 

“I was wondering if you would come. Hoping you would come”, he says in a little whisper. His voice gets so low when he whispers like that. I’m falling in love even more every single time he does that. 

“I’d go anywhere for you”, I whisper into his ear. Another shudder. This is so intimate in public, it gives me a weird feeling. It makes me want to take Wonwoo back to my dorm and just keep him there for the rest of the day and night. 

“Mingyu…” he whines and I turn him around, kissing him full on the lips. There is no one else around to even see us, plus we’re in the shadows. Wonwoo pushes himself against me and kisses me even harder. I don’t know what has gotten into him, but I like it, a lot. 

“Wonwoo, before we take this any further in public…” I say while he pulls back a little, blushing, “I got you coffee.” My grin is so wide when he takes the cup, releasing me from his grip. I feel like I’m falling without his touch, but his smile makes it all better. 

“I’m sorry for being so forward…” Wonwoo whispers to me while he takes a sip from his coffee. 

“God, don’t be. I love it”, I confess and take his hand in mine. We walk like that for a while, not caring. Most people are already inside because the weather is turning colder. “Wanna go back to my dorm?” I ask him and he nods a little. 

Maybe my thought of keeping him in my dorm all day and night can come true? I do hope so, because he seems even hotter than before. There is this something about Wonwoo, the slender built of his body, that makes him just so handsome and attractive. 

Wonwoo and I walk beside each other, casually touching each other’s hand while passing. It’s exciting and new to do stuff like this, but I like it. Wonwoo seems to be smiling a lot too as we walk. Our conversations never make any sense, but they’re ours. They’re the things we like talking about when we’re together. Everything about Wonwoo just makes sense to me. He is as kind as he is shy. He needs to open up to you so you can see every inch inside. We’re not yet at that point, but we are getting there. He’s gradually letting me see inside and I like what I’ve seen so far. 

“What is it?” He suddenly asks and I realise I’ve been staring for way too long. That’s just something he does to me. He makes me want to drink every inch of him in. I don’t even notice the way I stare at him anymore. 

“Nothing, I’m sorry”, I say with a slight blush to my cheeks. 

“That’s not something I get to see every day”, Wonwoo remarks and points to my cheeks. We’re always inside this little bubble of ours. I tend to forget about the whole world around us. And he seems to do that too since he is cupping my cheeks and slightly leaning in. 

“Don’t mock me”, I chuckle and he smiles at me. Wonwoo is forthcoming whenever he wants to, but he doesn’t do it that often. I like seeing that little side of him. 

Wonwoo pulls back, noticing we’re still in public. There’s no one around paying attention to us, but he is aware of the fact that we’re not alone. It’s kind of a pity we can’t walk around like normal couples do. One day we will be. One day everything will be okay for us to do. And until that day comes, I’ll just enjoy everything of him on my own. 

“I wouldn’t even dare”, he jokes. He jokes. Wonwoo is clearly changing is attitude towards me. We walk a little further and get to my dorm. I’m about to burst from not being able to kiss him all this time because he was being so darn cute. 

The second we get into my dorm room and out of sight I kiss his lips softly. He gives in and wraps his arms around my neck. I take this as a sign and pull him in closer by his waist until there is no more space in between us. Our bodies are pressing against each other. Wonwoo does not give me the time to breathe. Our bodies are moving in sync as we kiss without limitation. Something inside me tells me to stop doing this. We might go too far. But another part of me says to keep going. This might be the only chance we get. There is no one else in the dorms and we clearly both want this. 

Wonwoo has been teasing me all the way home. He isn’t holding back at all. Normally he is the one to tell me to stop, who is the voice of reason. But this time he is not paying attention or not caring at all. Maybe he wants this too. Maybe we both want this in equal amount. 

“Do you really want this?” I ask, panting and putting my forehead against his. He looks at me from under his thick eyelashes and smiles. No, grins. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more”, he lets me know and that’s all the confirmation I need. I dive in again, pushing my lips against his, opening his lips up. He gives out a little moan as his lips part and my tongue slides inside of his mouth. I play around with him and feel him melting in my hands as we speak. He is slowly turning to mush. It’s a first time for me, but maybe not for him. I don’t know. 

We get closer and eventually stumble onto my bed. We don’t let go of each other at all. Clothes come flying off and we take a minute to admire each other. His eyes are drinking me, as if he likes what he sees. I, on the other hand, can’t seem to get enough of that slender body. The way his hips curve and he holds himself… It’s everything I’ve imagined and so much more. He is so much more than I ever deserve to have. 

Wonwoo pulls on my collar and holds me close. His legs slip around my waist as we are completely naked. I’m totally going with my instincts right now. And it would be wrong of me to say I’ve never looked this up. I’ve been curious about it ever since I met Wonwoo. Which is not weird at all. He is sexy is such a different way from the girls I’ve slept with. Wonwoo rubs his member against mind as my hands travel down to his ass. He sits up a little to give me access to what he needs. I can feel how turned on he is by the way he is holding himself. It turns me on even more. My hand slides down and finds what I’ve been looking for. I need to prepare Wonwoo for what’s about to come. And the internet has showed my it’s a long process of making him feel good. 

My finger slips inside and he gasps against my neck, sometimes even biting it a little. I go in and out at a slow pace, slowly going faster. When he seems comfortable I slip in another finger and he gasps again. He even pushes into me more, as if he wants more. So I give him more. 3 fingers are inside and going on a steady pace. He is going with the rhythm. 

I bought some lube a today, after the incident we had yesterday. I thought it could come in handy. Turns out it really does. I take out my fingers, leaving Wonwoo a bit disappointed, and reach for the lube. He smiles when he sees I come prepared. I even take out the condoms and place them on the night stand. Wonwoo readies himself by going on all fours. I don’t want that. I want to be able to see his face at all times. So I turn him around, opening up his legs and spraying my fingers with the lube. He welcomes me when I make him wet and practically begs me to go on. I’ve had enough of this. He seems opened up enough for me to go all the way. I put on the condom and slowly put my tip at his entrance. 

“Are you ready?” I ask in the manliest voice I can manage. It’s barely a whisper. 

“Yes. Please.” He is begging me again. I slip inside, slowly. He moves his hips a little to meet me and lets out a loud moan. God, I’m so happy no one else is here. This would not be as fun without the sound. We move in sync. As if we are one entity. Wonwoo is coming closer and closer to his point of no return as I try to hold it in for him. I go harder and harder, sucking on every piece of skin I get my mouth on. He yells out my name a few times and begs me to go even harder. He does not need to tell me twice, that’s for sure. This is so new and feels so good. Nothing has ever felt this good. 

“Oh god, Mingyu”, he cries out one last time before he comes all over. He’s making a mess of things, making me smile as we go. I hold out for a little longer and then yell his name as I come too. I almost collapse on top of him, but hold back. First, I need to get out of him. I do so and collapse next to him. He snuggles up to me and we both fall into a peaceful sleep.


	12. Eleven

The morning after I am disoriented. What happened? And where am I? The room is still mine, but filled with a different kind of smell. Wonwoo's smell. He smells like a sunny day. It is weird to describe it like that, but it's the kind of feeling this gives me. The memories of last night start pouring in again. Did that all happen? Did we happen? Does this mean Wonwoo gives me full access to himself? Did I tear down all of the walls around his heart? 

"You're moving too much", Wonwoo mumbles while I stir a little. He is clearly not truly awake. He falls back to sleep while I watch him. He is just too cute for words. What we did last night does not change a thing about that at all. It makes it even worse. My heart is falling for him, faster than ever. Is that even normal? I feel like I'm abnormal for liking a person this much. 

"Stop watching me", Wonwoo says while opening his eyes. He has a small smile on his lips. The kind of smile that makes me want to kiss him. And why not? I kiss him softly and let it linger for just a second. 

"Hello there", I tell him while watching his lazy eyes open again. 

"Did you sleep well?" he asks while sitting up more. I put one arm behind his neck to support him. 

"Better than ever", I whisper and he blushes just a little bit. He does not look like he didn't like it. He sure as hell liked it last night. He told me on several occasions. "What about you?" 

"Aside from the multiple times you woke me up to go for another round... Amazing", he grins a little. Wonwoo doesn't grin. This grin makes me want to do other things than just kiss him. Not again. I guess we went for several rounds last night. 

"You liked it, admit it", I tease him. The blush in his cheeks is back. He tries to act cheeky, but I am still better at that. 

"I did", he admits and I kiss his nose. He is literally too precious for this world to see. I'd rather keep him here forever. No one needs to see that look on his face. The one where he seems so utterly content with himself and everything that is going on. 

"What time does your class start?" I ask him after a while of just lying in silence. He stiffens a little, probably because of the thought of going to class. Who would want to leave this bed now? I don't. 

"This afternoon. And I have to go somewhere tonight..." he adds in silence. What is that all about? As if he doesn't really want me to know or ask what it is he needs to do tonight. "I probably won't be able to see you."

"Oh..." I say, my flow is totally gone now. I get up from the bed to get ready. "My next class starts at 10." 

"Oh, okay. I'll get dressed", he gives me his innocent little smile. The one I like seeing so much. I shouldn't be mad at him for something he needs to do. Or he does not want to tell me. He should have all the time in the world to open up to me. 

We both dress very slowly. Neither of us wants to leave this room and our dream just yet. It all feels like a dream. As if the moment we step outside we lose this. I sincerely hope we do not lose this feeling. I've never felt more close to anybody. After dressing we just sit on the bed. How are we going to handle this? 

"Did you really like what happened last night?" Why am I always so scared that I have to ask these kind of things? 

"Yes, Mingyu, I did. Otherwise I would not have done it..." Wonwoo tells me in a whiny voice. I think he's sick of me always asking these kind of things. 

"Maybe you changed your mind after sleeping on it?" I ask again. I hope I'm not pushing him. 

"I would never. I really like you, Mingyu. Never forget that", he whispers softly. It sends shivers down my spine. Does he really have to have this effect on me without even knowing or trying. Maybe he is trying and I just don't know. 

"Let's go before I don't let you out of this room anymore", I joke while we both get up from the bed. It is just so risky to be on a bed with him. All of the people in my dorm are already gone to class. I'll probably be the last one to arrive, but I don't mind. No one will notice me slipping inside through the back. I've done it before, this particular week. 

"I guess we'll see each other tomorrow?" I ask while standing in front of my door. Now we need to be careful because people can see us. 

"Yes", Wonwoo smiles at me. I feel so lucky to be with this boy. Every single time he smiles feels like a victory for me. We don't kiss as a way of goodbye, afraid other people might see. Wonwoo just walks off and I am left standing. Why am I even the one left standing here while I needed to go to class? God, I need to run! 

The class is full and I sneak in through the back. The teacher doesn't notice while I install all of my stuff on the last bench. Why am I doing such a boring course again? Doing the literature class has made me realise I want to more of that and less of this. 

It gets harder and harder to comply to the wishes of my parents. They want me to be the heir to the company, they want me to be my father. He's a brilliant businessman. I, however, am not. I've done summer jobs at my father's company and I've been in meetings with him. "You're young, you'll learn", he would say. But what if I don't? What will happen to me then? Will I be the downfall of what my family has tried to build for so many years. My grandfather started this company and did everything he could to make it big. My dad was the next in line and he did even better. 

Am I really the right choice for this? The more I listen to these lectures, the more I doubt it. Nothing about this interests me, not even the money. I could be broke for all that matters... This whole university thing has me looking differently at the world. 

Speaking of the devil, my mother is calling me in the middle of class. I can't pick up because it would be very rude towards the lecturer. 

"Mom, I'm in class, call you back later..." I text her. If she even knows how to properly use text. My mother is not the most innovative person. My dad knows how to work a phone just fine. 

Class ends after a while. I decide to call my mom back immediately. She's probably worried and hasn't read her messages. The phone rings just one time. 

"Mingyu! Why wouldn't you call back?" she asks in a worried tone. Just like I predicted. 

"Mom... I was in class and texted you to say so. Don't you ever check them?" I ask, fully knowing the answer to that. 

"Oh, you'll have to learn me how tonight... You're coming over for dinner. Yeon Ah is coming too", she says in a voice you can not reason with. My mother is a hard one at that. "Plus we have a new maid." 

"What happened to JiNah?" I ask, kind of worried for the old lady. She was always there when no one else was. 

"She fell ill. Her son is filling in her spot now. I'm thinking of keeping him on", her voice suggests she likes the guy. Which is so hard for my mother. She likes absolutely no one.

"Be good to him", I warn her. She might be a little rough in the beginning. 

"I will be. Anyways, you'll get to know him this evening. Don't be late. It's at 8", her strict tone is back in place. 

"Yes, mother..." I whine a little. She knows well enough I'm always on time. I've never been late to a family thing in my entire life. She puts the phone down after that and I go through my day of class. At least I won't be doing nothing this evening while Wonwoo isn't with me. The downside is that I'll have to face Yeon Ah the whole evening. I've done better and more fun things in my life. 

After class ends I rush back to the dorm. Wonwoo hasn't texted me all day and I try calling him. 

"Yes?" he seems in kind of a hurry to get somewhere. 

"I was wondering how you were doing..." I say, kind of disappointed I'm the only one who thinks about the other. 

"I'm sorry. I've been in a rush all day..." he breathes out and I can tell he is stressing all the way through. "I've been fine. You?" 

"Thinking about you..." I confess. There is no point in holding back after what we did last night. I miss him and want him to be near. 

"I was thinking about us too..." Wonwoo seems to whisper. Maybe people are near him. "I miss you." My heart skips several beats at the same time. How is it possible for him to do stuff like this to me. I like him way too much for my own liking. 

"I miss you too", I whisper back because that's the only sound my throat wants to make at this particular moment. My body always betrays me at times like this. 

"I need to get going again..." He sighs on the other end of the line. I wonder why he is so stressed and where he needs to go so urgently... 

"I'll talk to you later?" I desperately ask him while he's trying to hang up on me. 

"Yeah... I'll try calling you", he says without confidence, I can tell. 

He hangs up before I can say anything else. What is going on? I rub my head in confusion and get dressed for dinner and make my way out of the dorms, making sure to avoid Seungkwan. He'll ask me loads of questions about Wonwoo again. I'm sure he noticed Wonwoo sleeping over again. He'll probably say something like: 'you have to pay more attention to what you do and where'. Of course he is right. He always is, but that's not the point here. I have a lot on my mind as it is. 

The driver is at my school already, way to go mom. The confidence she has in me is astounding. He drives my home and there someone is already waiting for me outside. Is she being for real? I'm not going to run away like she thinks. 

"Welcome home, Mr. Kim", the girl bows and shows me the way inside my own home. I'm getting annoyed with all of this. 

"Mom! What's with all the babying?" I yell as soon as I step inside of the house. It resonates so she must hear me. 

"Darling, calm down. Yeon Ah is already here", she tells me to shush in front of her daughter-to-be. Being home is just so nice, isn't it? 

"Mingyu?" Yeon Ah rounds the corner and smiles when she sees me. She immediately hugs me and keeps my hand on her waist when she releases. I hear some glasses fall behind me and try to smile while turning around where the noise is coming from. 

"Ah, these are our new helpers! The ones I told you about. BoHyuk is filling in for his mother and Wonwoo, his brother is helping him for tonight", my mother introduces them and I have to keep the smile plastered on my face. Wonwoo is looking at me in disbelief. Like he can't believe I'm this rich and Yeon Ah is still hanging around me. I need time to explain this to him, now, but I can't in front of my family and his brother. Instead he bows and I bow back. 

"Nice to meet you", he puts on a polite smile before cleaning up the glass. His brother looks younger, too young to be doing this. What is my mother even thinking? After that Wonwoo just walks away and I am left standing there, wanting to explain everything to him.


	13. Twelve

Wonwoo's POV

I don't ever want Mingyu to know about this. About my mother and my brother working at a rich person's house. And definitely not about me helping them.What would he think of me? Mingyu seems like someone who has it all. Who has figured it all out. And then there's me, the screw-up. The one who doesn't even know what to do with his life. The only thing I'm really good at is writing. And that won't save my family from poverty. 

We've always lived this way. My mom was the housekeeper at this big place we never got to go to. She never wanted us to see what the other half lives like. That's probably also why she didn't stay there. She rented out a place for us three to stay in, which cost her so much more than just staying there. Recently she has fallen ill and my little brother took over since I'm in college. The people of this household even pay for my tuition since my mom has always stayed true to them. They're not bad people, they just have it way better than any of us and that makes me mad. 

"Mom! What's with all the babying?" I hear someone yell in the great hall. Probably the son of these people. Apparently he isn't home a lot. I sometimes wonder what he looks like. 

"Come on, we need to get these glasses to the dining room..." Bohyuk says in a quiet voice. He has learned to stay quiet while working here. We hush into the grand hall, just in time to see a girl round the corner and run to the son. 

"Mingyu?" she says just before hugging him. The girl seems familiar and the fact that she says his name makes me drop a glass. He's here. Why is he here? Why him of all people? Does he see me? Is he going to turn around? What will he say? 

"Ah, these are our new helpers! The ones I told you about. BoHyuk is filling in for his mother and Wonwoo, his brother is helping him for tonight", the lady says and Mingyu's eyes widen as soon as he sees me. The look on his face speak of some kind of agony. He looks like he wants to run to me, but at the same time he doesn't. The girl is still around his waist, clinging to him, and he doesn't look like he's going to let go. 

I bow politely, because it is the right thing to do. He bows back to me and still has the pained reaction on his face. Is he going to tell them he knows me from school? Or is he going to pretend he doesn't? Since he doesn't make a move, I'll do it for him. 

"Nice to meet you", I say before cleaning up. I made the decision for him now. He doesn't need to awknowledge me. He could still speak up... but he does not. Instead he just stands there, confused as always. I pick up the glass and go back to the kitchen. My heart is racing like a fool. How can he be here? Why did it have to turn out like this? Will I have to serve his family and him for the rest of this evening? It'll be the longest and worst evening in the history of men. 

I actually cut my finger on one of the pieces of glass. BoHyuk notices and rushes over with a towel to stop the bleeding. I can't even feel any pain as he takes out the pieces that are stuck in there. The only pain I can feel is Mingyu in this house and with that girl on his arm, again. He reassured me it was nothing, but seeing them like this hurts. It's probably because they fit so well. They look like a couple coming straight from a set of a drama. Which only makes me angrier and angrier. The feeling of knowing we can't ever be like this together. And with 'like this' I mean together comfortably. 

"Are you okay?" My little brother asks of me as he puts on a band-aid. "You're usually very collected..." He has a point, I'm rarely off like this. I never let an emotion slip in front of other people. Of course my brother knows me really well, but the others don't. It still surprises me how much of myself I'm letting Mingyu see. He's seen almost everything already, including this side of me. 

"I'll be fine", I answer and stand up from my chair. This show must go on and the night is not over just yet. I'll just put on the mask I've been wearing ever since they found out I have a preference for boys instead of girls. 

With my game face on I walk outside of the kitchen with another tray of glasses for the guests. I won't let this get to me. He won't get to me. No one will get to me. At least that's what I think when I exit. 

"Wonwoo.. We really need to talk", Mingyu says when he sees me coming through the door. I turn back immediately before I drop the damn tray again. I'm pretty sure this is crystal and they won't be laughing if I drop any more. Apparently Mingyu can get to me, like no one else ever could. 

He actually follows me through the doors again, not relanting for a meter. This is making me pissed off and makes my heart melt at the same time. He's willing to talk to me and not care what others think. Sometimes I wish I was as fearless as him, but I'm not. I will never be like that. The rest of the household staff bow a little to him as a token of respect. He smiles and moves towards me. 

"We need to talk. Now", he whispers softly and then pushes my back gently to another door I know to be the back door. I roll my eyes and put down the tray. He's always winning when it comes to these kind of fights. But he is right, we can't dance around this. 

"What is it?" I say when we're in the clear. No one really comes here I've found out. I cross my arms in front of my chest and just eye him. 

"I bet we both know what it is... I had no idea you worked at my house", he breathes out. It obvious he is not angry or anything, just desperate. Why is he always desperate when it comes to me? Do I make him feel that way? 

"My mother has been the maid here for years", I whisper softly, kind of embarrassed to admit it to the son of this household. 

"How come I have never seen you?" he says while trying to catch my eye. I'm avoiding eye contact at all costs because they always make me doubt every single decision I made.

"Mom purposely kept us away from here. She didn't think it would be a good enviroment for two little boys to grow up in..." And she was right. I would have been even more depressed if I'd lived here with them. 

"Did you know?" he knows the answer to this question already. "Forget that question." He adds it in the end and I feel a bit more relieved. Mingyu is not one to jump to conclusions without a reason. I'm happy he is not jumping to conclusions right now. 

"Don't you have to get back to her?" I kind of almost spit out. Okay, I'm bitter about her being here with him. It should be me. Not her. She's not the person for him. 

"This is what's really bothering you, isn't it?" Mingyu sighs. Of course he sighs. He can have the best of both worlds and just leave me hanging whenever he wants. "Why are you so jealous of her? She's nothing to me and you're my everything." 

I ignore his little confession and skip back to the 'jealous' thing. "She's here, at your house, with your parents and you're engaged to be married. Name one thing in that sentence I should not be jealous about?" It hits him and he bows his head a little while closing the gap between us. 

"Did you not hear the other part of my sentence?" he whispers while leaning down and putting his finger under my chin. He makes me look him in the eye, something I've been avoiding so hard. His eyes are big and completely focussed on me. I try my best to not get lost in them. "I just practically told you I'm in love with you." 

"I heard you", I breathe out, almost no sound. His eyes keep me in a little prison. If anyone sees us like this...

"Then why did you not comment on it? I'm in love with you. And I keep falling every single second", he admits while our faces inch closer and closer. There's something about this moment which makes my heart beat faster, my breathing heavier and my head spin. This is the intoxicating effect he has on me. He's had that effect ever since I walked into class and saw him sitting there. 

"I don't know", I mumble and his lips find mine. We're engulfed in the kiss and there is nothing else. Nothing but his body against mine and our hearts beating overtime. I cling to him like my life depends on it, while he holds me like I'm the most fragile thing on this planet. I'm precious in his hands. He treats me with care. Which makes me lose all of my boundaries. 

When we part we're both searching for air. There doesn't seem to be enough of it to sustain us. Mingyu is still cupping my face while smiling. There's something about his smile that makes my knees melt. 

"I know this is hard. Yes, my parents set us up to be married, but it won't happen. I'd rather die before parting from you. We knew this was going to be something else, but we'll need to get through it together. We're both in a bind. But please bare with me..." He pleads and I can't say no to him when he's being like this. His honesty is shining through all the time. It's his biggest trait if you ask me. 

"Okay", I agree. This night will still be hard, but for a lot of different reasons this time. It'll be because I know how he feels and still have to see how he is with his family and not be a part of it. Maybe in the future. 

Mingyu hugs me one last time before letting go and giving me a little smile to reassure me. Then we step back inside, my brother is eyeing me. He knows something is up. He also knows of my preferences. To be honest, my brother is the closest one to knowing all of my secrets. Mingyu looks back one more time before leaving me with the rest of the staff. 

"You two?" my brother asks and I nod. He knows. "Did you know?" 

"No." He nods at me and gives me a little smile. "For what it's worth, I hope this works out." He pats my back a little before going into the room. I'll get through this night. With the support of my brother I can anything.


	14. Thirteen

Mingyu 

The days after the dinner with my parents are very awkward. Wonwoo and I have kind of been avoiding each other all the way. Whenever we see each other there's this little smile, but we both walk opposite directions. The atmosphere is just gloomy. We made up at the dinner, but that doesn't mean it takes away all of the problems there are. They're still there. Wonwoo probably still thinks I'm a spoiled rich kid that's out for an adventure with a guy for once. Before getting married that is. 

At the dinner I made clear, again, that I'm not willing to marry YeonAh. She's become annoying to say the least. For some reason she always wants to come and visit me on campus, I say no every single time. Why? Because if Wonwoo sees her, it's over for real. And I don't want it to be over, never. 

Minghao sees me moping around campus and has seen me this way all of the past week. I think he's had enough of it. "Dude, what's the matter. You look like your dog just died. And I know for a fact you don't even have a dog." 

"Nothing, just having some issues I need to resolve", I sigh because it's true. We can't go around avoiding each other for the rest of the semester. Plus we still have to do that assignment together. The class is tomorrow. By then we need to have a rough draft of what we want. 

"I haven't seen you around with Wonwoo lately..." He remarks and my head snaps up faster than I want it to. Why do I do that every time someone mentions him? "He's been moping around campus too, even harder than before... Did you guys fight?" 

"Not really", I say without thinking. Does Minghao know too? Has he seen us together like that? 

"You guys seemed to become best friends really quick, what happened?" He says while sitting us down on a bench near our classroom. Class starts in half an hour so we have time to spare right now. 

"We just didn't see eye to eye on some things and we need to get over it", for some reason this is really true. We need to learn how to see each other's side on this thing. I have no idea of what's going on in Wonwoo's family for him to have to work there. The same goes for him. He doesn't know what my family expects from me and what kind of pressure I feel all the time. Maybe it's time we address these things in a normal conversation. 

"I do hope so since you guys seemed to really get along. Wonwoo has difficulty in making good friends. You'd be such a good friend for him since you're really loyal", Minghao seems to be praising me and I kind of blush. Is he being for real? "I mean, you always listen to my problems about being a foreign student and all..." 

"That's because we are friends and that's just something you do for each other", I smile and pat him on the back. 

"Well, you two better make up quick!" Minghao stands up and starts walking to the classroom. Did time fly by this quick already? "Come on! Before the good spots are taken!" 

I stand up too and follow him. He has managed to cheer me up for now. And with this newfound courage I even dare text Wonwoo. We'll have to meet today for that project and maybe we can talk about this stuff too. 

"Do you want to meet today?" I text him as soon as I sit down. 

"Yes", his reply is swift. 

"The café?" I ask. 

"When does your class end?" He seems to be very eager to see me. 

"At 4", I reply curt this time. 

"Okay, I'll come pick you up", my heart skips a beat as he says that. Wonwoo taking the wheel is something I really like. It's just so different from his usual self. 

The lecture started and I put my phone away. Wonwoo was still on my mind though, through all of the class. Whenever he talks to me he keeps going through my mind over and over again. It didn't seem to stop at all. I want to see him already and just be by ourselves. The boys has a serious hold on me. These business classes don't seem to interest me any longer. Not since I met Wonwoo, which was already during the first week. 

The lecture ends, finally and I rush to go outside. Is this even the good way to approach Wonwoo. Maybe he is still mad at me for the whole thing. Maybe I should be playing it cool. The second I see Wonwoo, I don't care anymore. I run over to him, a bit faster than I probably should. He gives me a little smile, but it's gone again really soon. Way too soon. 

"Hey", I say in a shy voice. When did the tables turn this much. Am I not usually the outgoing one? 

"I was happy to see your text", he confesses. Him being straightforward still catches me off guard. 

"Were you waiting for it?" I ask him, a bit coy. 

"Kind of. I've been meaning to call you, but I've been a coward about all of this", I want to take his hand when he says things like these. 

"Want to go to my dorm?" I ask, wanting to be alone with him. We need to talk in private and I need to be completely honest with him about it all. 

"Will anyone be there?" He asks, a bit suspicious. I know for a fact they're going out for drinks tonight so I shake my head. 

"They'll be out", as soon as those words leave my mouth he smiles. We walk in silence, which is killing me all the time. The one thing I want is Wonwoo to talk to me, but he keeps quiet until we reach my dorm room. 

As we walk inside my hand brushes against his slowly. He seems to notice and turns his head to look at our hands. It's just this little intimate gesture, but it means a lot to the both of us. Every time we touch I feel like I have found my other half. I feel complete. That's just the way Wonwoo has always made me feel. 

"We still need to work on that project", Wonwoo clears his throat and I go get my stuff from my room. We sit in the living area so we won't do anything rash. Anyone can walk in at any given time. This is not the time to fool around. 

We work diligently, like we always do, but I yearn for some intimacy. I year to be near him more than I already am right now. He's so close but so far away and it's hard to keep my distance. Wonwoo doesn't seem to be showing any signs of distress like I am, but he never does. 

"How is your brother doing?" I ask, quietly. I want to know more about him, more about his family. He's always been very quiet about is relatives and I think it's time for us to talk about serious things. 

"He's okay, still filling in for my mother. Your parents are treating him well", he seems to be turning shy again, closing himself off. I want to prevent that sort of thing. But in order to do so we need to avoid most subjects and I'm not giving up on this. 

"I'm happy to hear that. How is your mom?" I'm genuinely concerned about his mother. I still don't know why she can't work anymore. Wonwoo hasn't told me anything about their living situation just yet. 

"She's doing okay. Currently she's at the hospital receiving treatment", he says like it's no big deal, but his eyes tell me another story. I put down my pencil and take his hand in mine, forcing him to look at me. 

"Is it serious?" I ask, already knowing the answer to this. 

"Yes", he says, his voice trembling while he swallows a lump. "She's pretty sick." 

"What does she have?" I squeeze his hand to show him I'm here for him. He needs to know he can talk to me any time. That's why he's my boyfriend and I am his. 

"She has cancer", he is barely audible by now. It's probably a very hard thing to confess to someone else. Especially if you're not used to having someone being there for you. 

"Oh god, is it...?" I'm almost too afraid to say the word. 

"They caught it early on, but she is getting laser treatment and chemo", he explains to me. "That's why she's in the hospital now. I have no idea how we're going to pay for it all just yet, but we'll figure that out." He realizes what he just said and his eyes turn big. He said more than he wanted to say to me.

"Don't worry. I won't judge you for not having a lot of money. Actually I wish you had my money right now. Health care should not be this expensive for people who want to survive such a thing", I sigh. He smiles just a little at me and picks up our joined hands. Wonwoo places a kiss on top of my hand, which is the sweetest gesture I've ever seen. 

"You're so kind hearted, Mingyu", he whispers. "You grew up in such a strange world to me, but somehow you're more understanding than any other person I've ever met." My heart swells as he says these words to me. Compared to him, I've had a fairly easy life. Yes, my parents nag me and want me to do things that I don't want to, but he has had it way worse. 

"Look out, before my ego gets too big", I joke and he laughs, it booms in my ears and I totally melt for him. His laugh is still the best sound in this world, except for his screams, but that's something else. 

"I'm sure your ego is already big enough", he plays me and even nudges me a little. I pretend to be hurt by him and pout. For some reason Wonwoo can't stand the sight of me pouting and leans over to kiss it away. I greedily kiss him back, I've missed the feeling too much to let it go to waste. 

"You're beautiful", I breathe out when our lips part. He pulls back a little and I can see the slight blush on his cheeks. My hands move to his arms and I hold him in place to kiss him a second time. This time I let it linger. Our lips are touching and neither one of us wants to break the connection. Our hearts are probably beating at the same rate while I finally break contact again. Wonwoo seems to be a little disappointed because of the loss of touch. "Wonwoo?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I think I'm really falling in love with you..."


	15. Fourteen

Wonwoo's POV

"I think I'm falling in love with you..." 

Those are the words Mingyu just told me. I didn't say them back and it didn't look like he expected me to do so. For some reason Mingyu accepts me for having to think everything over. In my world, there is no spontaneity, I calculate every single thing I do. Mingyu seems to be okay with it, most of the time. At least he tries to be okay with it. 

Now that I'm alone, back in my dorm room, I realize I should have told him I'm falling for him too. These things always come late to me. I should've just gone with the moment, but it's hard for me to break this stupid habit. And now Mingyu probably thinks he's the only one loving someone in this relationship. 

Who am I even kidding? Of course Mingyu knows how I feel. I've let him see into my heart and into my life, countless times. And even if I don't tell him, I show him. Don't I? Tonight was a big step for me, opening up about my family to him... There's no one in this entire school or even planet who knows this. He's the first one I've let in one everything that's going on with my mom. And how hard is has been on me. Of course he's seen me being the maid at his place and he had some questions, but the weird this is, I wanted to tell him about it. Even before all of this I was thinking about telling him everything. Because Mingyu is not one to judge. If anyone is judgmental, it's me. 

The nights can be long when you just lie on your bed and think. Think about all of the things you should have done. Of all the things you still want to do. And it's lonely. Now that I've slept with him a few times, and with slept I really mean slept, I feel alone in my bed. I could have stayed with him, but that's taking too many risks, again. We need to learn how to be careful about it all. Some day, someone other than Seungkwan, is going to find out. Someone who will not be this kind to us. And what will we do then? Is our relationship strong enough for something like that? 

And then there's this whole 'he has a fiancé' thing. YeonAh is here and she seems intend on staying. After seeing her at his house I understand the importance of it all to her. Even his mother seemed to be really fond of her. From what I gather, she is important to this family. And will Mingyu be ready to risk it all? Will he give everything up just to be with me? Do I even want him to? 

That's where late night thinking gets you, absolutely nowhere. I've been going in circles like this ever since I got back. The dorm is eerily quiet and there's nothing else to do but think. Think about all that can go right and think about all that can go wrong. There are so many directions this thing can go. The only conclusion I can make for myself is that I don't want to lose Mingyu. Ever. He's been the rock in this school for me. The only one I can hold on to and know he's going to still be there in the end. After all, Mingyu is a man of his word. 

Whenever Mingyu looks at me, I feel like I'm the only thing he sees in the world. He seems to be forgetting about the people around us and just sees me. I need to remind myself to keep myself grounded, because one of us has to pay attention to others. But whenever Mingyu's eyes turn soft like that, I feel lost. My heart skips beats and my breath is taken away. Not only one time, but every single time. It feels like being thrown out into the cold sea. That's what this whole thing is: an adventure. And I seriously need to tell Mingyu how I feel. 

Or should I? Should I run over there and tell him everything that's on my mind? Do I want him to know all the things I feel and want for us? Do I want to give him that power over me? Mingyu seems like the honest person who won't betray my trust, but then again, so did the people in high school seem. They seemed sincere, but laughed at me for liking boys. 

Mingyu never laughed at me liking boys. He even told me he liked me first and made the first move. No, scratch that. He made every move there was even made. Exactly what I needed. But what does that mean? Does he really mean all of this? Is he willing to go all the way? My heart feels like it's exploding from all of my thinking. Maybe I should stop thinking and just sleep. Sleep will help me. And in the morning I'll decide what to do. 

But what if it's too late in the morning? It'll be more romantic to just run over there right now and tell him. Tomorrow is a safe option, but it won't have the same effect as this. Should I throw everything aside for just this? To make Mingyu the happiest boyfriend on the planet? Oh, how I want to. I want to give him everything he wants in this world. That's how far we've come. 

I can still remember a time when only my brother mattered to me. There was no one else who was important, besides my mother. Family is the only thing you can really count on. I've seen many people being torn apart by their lack of money, but not us. We stick together. We've grown stronger. How did this come to be? How did Mingyu demand a spot in that very narrow top 2. He's become my number one and so much more. He's become my world. Faster than I could've anticipated. 

I toss and turn at this thought. I don't want to think this because it is going somewhere. Somewhere I don't particularly like going. It means facing things as they are. It means coming to terms with the fact that I love him. As long as I don't say it out loud. That means it's not real just yet. But do I really? Love him? Is this what love feels like? 

The way he smiles gives me butterflies. And every time he says my name in his tone of voice... It makes me feel things I've never even thought of. When his skin touches mine, I feel like I'm on fire. And it goes so much further than that. His kind nature makes my heart melt like ice cream in the sun. He seems to be always willing to help people. And people have some kind of respect towards him. He hasn't even been on campus that long, but every person knows him for his generosity. This is just not something you can fake. He is sincere. And people can see it. 

If there's one thing I really hate, it's the girls fawning over him. Whenever he passes by, they're talking about how good looking and kind he is. As if no one can here. Or they just don't care and hope he hears. It gets on my nerves. The fact that they're all the same. No one knows Mingyu the way I do and they still fawn over him. The only one who can really fawn over him is me. He is my boyfriend after all. I deserve to think about him that way. 

God, what do I do? I turn around in my bed, that's what I do. It's way too late now anyway. Isn't it? I check the time again. It's 4 o'clock and I'm still thinking about this?! Now that I think about it, he didn't send me a message to say goodnight. Maybe he is disappointed in me not saying it back. What if this means the end for us? What if I can never say it to him? Will he be okay with that? He can take a lot of things, but I can't imagine him sticking around much longer after that. As understanding as he is, even Mingyu has his limits. 

A sigh escapes my lips. It's not the first one of the night. I'm going to be a physical and emotional wreck in the morning. Even though it is already morning. The sun will soon be out and I will have thought about this all night. Which is not healthy, even for me. Even for the boy who thinks everything over, this is not good. Mostly I think about it for an hour, maybe two, but 5 hours is a new record. Even for me. What do I do? It's now or never. 

 

Mingyu's POV

Getting to sleep was hard enough already. It's not like I expected him to really say it, but I really did hope I'd trigger something inside of him. I get that he needs time. He's been that way from the beginning. And I'm going to give him that time and space he needs. As long as he needs, because Wonwoo is special to me. The most special person to have ever existed for me. After hearing his story tonight I feel more connected than ever. He's made me fall even deeper than before, if that was even possible to begin with. 

I kind of smile because of the progress we've made. It's taken me some time, but he opened up about something very important to him. And I didn't even need to push him about it. It seemed like he wanted to tell me himself. Which just makes it even better. I feel like I'm getting somewhere with him and not just to bed. 

My bed feels empty without him in it. I wanted to keep him here with me, but he seemed to want to think things over. Which is normal. I didn't push him to stay, but now I regret that decision. He should be here with me right now. Next to me. Sleeping like the prince he is. I want to just take care of him all the time. Every bone in my body wants to cherish him for the person he is. He always seems so guarded, but when he sleeps, he seems free. It's a look I want to see more on him. He needs to be freer from now on. I want him to see how wonderful the world can be when you just let go. Let go of everything that has been bothering you. 

There's a knock on the door. The rest of my dorm members are out, partying. What if one of them forgot their key again? It has happened before... I get out of bed, just dressed in boxers, and walk towards the door. I open and it's not who I expected it to be. Wonwoo is in front of me and he seems very distressed. 

"Wonwoo? What are you doing here?" I ask but he cuts me off. 

"Let me get this off my chest first. It's been eating me up inside ever since I left. I know you wouldn't push me to say it back, but I want to. I want to tell you how I feel about you. You're the most brilliantly shining diamond, Mingyu. Whenever you smile, it lights up my whole world. It has been so dark around here for so long and now you've come and lightened it up. There's nothing I want to do, but tell you how much I love you too. I love you. More than my heart can stand to bear. I get jealous when girls watch you, I want to be with you all of the time, your kindness is the most beautiful thing in the world and I can't seem to be able to breathe with or without you. So, I'm sorry I'm so late. But I love you", he finishes his speach in one breath. The tears are streaming down my cheeks as I take a step towards him. I don't care who sees. I kiss him like my life depends on it.


	16. Fifteen

Mingyu

For some reason Wonwoo ended up sleeping in my bed again. This really needs to stop soon or I won't be able to sleep without him. It's already really bad when I want to sleep in here without envisioning him beside me. It'll only get harder from now on. He probably doesn't even know what effect this is having on me. And I'm not about to tell him all about it. Every time he sleeps next to me, he seems so at peace. I've thought this before, but it's really true. Whenever he's awake he seems so troubled all of the time. The only times he seems like himself is when he sleeps or when we're just being together and laughing. It doesn't really happen that much, but when it happens it's beautiful. More beautiful than any sunset or sunrise on this planet. Wonwoo is my esthetic. 

"Stop looking at me", he groans and turns his back towards me. I pout, but he can't even see it. "Don't you dare pout."

"You know me all too well", I say with a little chuckle. There is no one who knows me like he does. Wonwoo hasn't known me for that long, but he already knows what I'm about to do. 

"And don't lean in for a kiss. You know I won't be able to resist", he groans again. And he knows that this will not make me stop from leaning in and doing exactly what he just told me not to do. He turns towards me as he feels me leaning in. Our lips touch only briefly, but it's enough to send my heart in a beating frenzy. 

"No one can tell me what to do", I joke and he suddenly stiffens beside me. Did I say something wrong? "Tell me what you're thinking", I whisper because I'm afraid of the mood that is hanging in the air. 

"Your parents can tell you what to do. We both know that", he sighs and sits up. I shake my head, of course I had to make such a thoughtless remark. He is right. They can order me to do anything. Except for marrying YeonAh. I will never do that for them. 

"I won't marry her, I promise. You're the only one for me", I reassure him, but he just sits on the side of the bed, his back turned to me. Last night must've been very difficult for him. His confession struck me right in the heart, but it felt like he had spent such a long time thinking it over. The fact that he did confess is amazing, but I can't take it for granted. Wonwoo still has a long road ahead of him when it comes to recognizing his feelings. Towards me and all the other people in his life. He might not believe me now when I say he's everything to me, but he will, in the future. We'll work on it, together. Like every couple should. 

"You say that now..." he starts, but stops himself before it gets too emotional. "I gave you everything I have last night. All of my feelings were bare, out on the floor. Just don't step on them. Don't promise me thing that can't be." His back slouches a little as I sit up too. I sit beside him, but don't look at him. "I want this, us, right now. We don't know where it'll take us, but let's just stay like this for now. Enjoy the moment. If it comes to and end, it does." 

"Where is all of this coming from? Don't you believe in us? As a couple? Don't you think we can make it?" I ask him in all seriousness. I believe we can make it, but there's no point in continuing this if he doesn't feel the same way. He'll just look for reasons to call it quits. 

"I do believe in us. But I've seen what society can do to people. All I'm saying is that I won't blame you when this all ends", he sighs. The fact that he said 'when' and not 'if' makes me worry even more. He does believe it is going to end. Maybe not soon, but in the end there'll be no more us. 

"Let's drop this for now and just go for coffee. Our class doesn't start until 9 and it's 7:30 right now", I get up and reach out my hand for him to take. He takes it without hesitating. I pull him in for a big hug and then pull back a little to peck his lips. He seems very troubled again. "I wish you would worry less and enjoy this more." 

"I'm trying", he sighs and leans in to me. His head is resting on my shoulder while I stroke his bare back. His slender figure still amazes me in so many ways. He seems so frail, but is so strong. Never judge a book by its cover. 

"I know. And I really appreciate it. The way you told me you loved me last night proved it all. But you need to let go of all your worries before we can be something more than a gay couple in hiding", I make clear. This is the what I think of our situation and he needs to know my point of view too. 

"I'll try", his voice is quiet and I can feel his breath against my bare skin. He is such a warm person where others call him cold. The way he looks at a person might seem cold, but he cares so much. Especially about his family. 

"Come on, let's get you dressed", I say and let go. Letting go of him feels like parting with a limb. That's how empty I feel every single time we are not touching. Is that because my heart feels so connected to his? Is this what they call two halves of a person? Because it sure feels that way to me. 

Wonwoo gets dressed in his clothes from last night. It consists of a way too big sweater and some very tight jeans. His signature look if you ask me. His sweater totally conceals the kind of body he has. He can even pull the sleeves over his hands again. Which he seems to do a lot and even like it. I have to ask him about it sometimes. Maybe he doesn't even know he does it. 

"Ready?" I ask after being dressed myself. My pants are washed out and tight as well. My white dress shirt is covered by a blue sweater. I even look like the boy I'm supposed to be. My clothing represents my social standing most of the time. I'm a good student and a good boy in general. I've never done anything that's prohibited. Except for being with Wonwoo. It's my first act of defiance, but I don't feel bad about it at all. 

"Always", he puts on a little smile as our hands join together. We walk outside of our dorm to find Seunkwang sitting at the breakfast table. I don't feel bad walking around like this when it's just him. It feels nice to have someone know about us. 

"You going heading out?" He asks after taking a spoon full of his rice. We both nod and say goodbye. He looks at us with a little smile. It's kind of endearing. I wonder if Wonwoo saw it too. Our hands separate once we step out of the dorm. People are all around us already, even though it is very early indeed. Everyone is probably trying to get some coffee before going to class. Most classes start at 9. 

"To our usual place?" I ask and Wonwoo gives me a big smile. The fact that we have a usual place is very special. It's kind of our thing. I love having that with him. And he seems to like it too. He doesn't smile that often.

A few girls pass up by and take us both in. We look just like friends, but they seem to be eyeing us more than usual. It makes me think that maybe they're on to us. Wonwoo looks straight ahead, over them. 

"They're so handsome... It's criminal to both be that good looking and be friends..." One of the girls remarks and I look aside to gauge Wonwoo's reaction to the statement. His face changes only slightly. One of the sides of his mouth goes up and I can tell he likes being called handsome. For me it's a given to be called that all of the time, but I bet he doesn't get it that much. 

"Do you want to go ask for their numbers?" One of the girls asks the others. They seem very unsure. Maybe they're shy? Who am I even kidding? They're talking about us, knowing we can hear them perfectly. They're probably saying that in the hope of us coming to them and asking for their number. 

I nudge Wonwoo a little, to walk faster. I'm sure he doesn't want to deal with those girls and neither do I. They're probably going to take up precious time we can spend together while drinking coffee. And there's no way in hell I'll let that happen. This time is way too special for me. 

Wonwoo walks faster, but is still smiling a little bit. He looks even more handsome when he isn't being so insecure. His confidence is radiating off of him. It seems to be attracting other girls too. A part of me really likes seeing him like this, but the other side is kind of jealous. I don't want others to see him like that. He's mine and no one else's. They shouldn't even be getting that idea. 

We sit down in our usual spot in the back. The girl from before is back and is still flirting with me. But this time she seems to notice Wonwoo too. His confident smile is still present and it seems to be attracting her as well. She turns to face him and twirls her hair. It's weird to be watching this, but Wonwoo is kind of cold to her. She seems to like his coldness. Obviously, she is not giving up. 

"Excuse me, we need to get going soon and would like our coffees before that time comes..." My tone is very annoyed, but I can't help it. She is using precious time again. And I'm being jealous. Because he is getting female attention. And because I am not. It's a weird feeling to explain. But when you're used to get this kind of attention, you kind of miss it when it's gone. I don't really care about the people that give me attention, but I just crave it because I'm used to it. 

"What's up?" Wonwoo asks me, frowning a little. His confident smile is fading. I don't really want to see it go. 

"You seem to be getting a lot attention..." I say, with a little pout. I can't really let anyone see me pout in public. 

"Are you jealous?" Wonwoo chuckles and I'm enchanted by the sound. 

"Yes", I state simply and he looks at me with a big smile. It's not the confident smile from before. No, it's the smile he only gives me. The one where he is truly happy. 

"You're cute when you're jealous", he whispers and it makes me want to take him back to the dorms to show him I'm not cute at all. Is it weird that he brings up this kind of feelings inside of me? 

"Don't even dare to go there", I growl a little and he laughs out loud. It amazes me how he feels so at ease with me. The girl is back again with our coffees. She has heard him laugh and seems to be falling in love with him. 

"Thank you", he radiates at her, but his rays of sun are meant for me. He's just being friendly to her. I don't like it. Again. 

"Let's go", I say and we take our coffees and leave the place. She shouldn't hit on my man. 

"I'm not interested in her at all", Wonwoo counteracts when we're all alone and walking. 

"I know, but still", I sigh. "That's how much I love you." The last part comes out in a whisper. 

"I love you too", he whispers back and my heart skips a few beats.


	17. Sixteen

Mingyu 

It's hard for me to concentrate in class when Wonwoo isn't hear. It's even harder to concentrate when he is here. This is the only class we have together and I'm doing my best to stay calm. He is sitting right next to me in the back of the room and I can smell his unique smell. It's enough to make me think about last night and just sleeping together. Why does he distract me like this? I hate this. And I love this at the same time. Why do I always have these conflicting feelings whenever he is around? I mean, he even made me question my sexuality when I first saw him. Which has turned out to be for the better because we're dating now. Apparently I'm Wonwoosexual. He's my preference. I don't like girls or guys. I like Wonwoo. 

My phone buzzes and I look at it. It's Minghao. He's asking me to come to a party tonight. Apparently anyone who is anyone is coming. It would be my first party at university... But will Wonwoo like going there? I have no idea whatsoever. He doesn't strike me as the party person. And if he's not going, I'm not going. I text Minghao back that I'll think about it. And of course the dude has to text me back that I can bring my girlfriend. He still thinks I have a girlfriend because I'm always smiling while texting Wonwoo. If only he knew who I was really texting all the time... I would like to see his face. 

"What's up?" Wonwoo asks me during a break in class. This class lasts for 2 hours so he usually gives us a break in the middle. So we can try concentrating again when he starts. For some reason people tend to doze off after an hour. 

"Minghao just texted me..." I begin and something in Wonwoo's face changes. "He says there's a party tonight and I kind of want to go. But only if you're coming." There, I said it. There's no turning back now. 

"Okay", he says, a little unsure. A very Wonwoo way to react to things if you ask me. 

"You're coming?" I ask, in a bit of disbelief. I thought this was going to take thorough convincing, but he just gave in like that. I'm kind of disappointed because I had this whole speech prepared in my mind. 

"Yeah, I've never been to one anyways", he says with a small smile. The one he only grants me when he feels secure. 

"This is going to be so exciting!" I almost yell in front of the whole room. This is not the place to get excited. The teacher is still in front of the class and he already dislikes me. Is it because I'm a business major? Who knows. Maybe it's just because I stood out to him on the first day. 

"Yeah," Wonwoo says and looks back to his papers. Class is about to start again. I reach over and take one of his hands that's under the table. No one can see us here anyways. There's no one behind us and the tables are covered with wood in the front. I join our hands and give it a little squeeze. He looks up from his books and just stares at me. I know it must still be a shock for him to experience this out in the open. Just wait until we go public with our relationship. 

Wonwoo

Mingyu seems like he desperately wants to go to this party and how can I say no to him when he looks at me like that? He seems so excited and I just want to give him this. He's always missing out on things these days because of me. I feel guilty to say the least. He takes my hand in his and I look up. He seems so fearless. All the time. Like he doesn't have anything to lose with all of this. 

I haven't been to a university party at all, even though I'm a year older than Mingyu. And there's a good reason for that. I don't want to attract any attention to myself. In high school I had too much unwanted attention. I had no friends at all because they just saw me as 'the gay guy'. It seems like word has gotten around on campus too, but they don't care as much as they did in high school. 

Will this be good for Mingyu? What if they think he is gay? Okay, he kind of is, given the nature of our relationship. But I'm certain he doesn't want anyone to know just yet. At least I don't. I'll have to get used to being with Mingyu first. I still can't believe an amazing guy like Mingyu picked me. He loves me and I love him. I have found someone I can truly be myself around. That is so weird to me, the person who didn't have any friends at all. He's the first person I've opened up to except for my family. My brother obviously knows I am gay and I have a boyfriend. My mom is less aware of this, but I think she can feel it. She knows I have no interest in women. That's why she hasn't sent me on a date yet with one of her friend's daughters. 

Mingyu's hand finds mine underneath the table and I can't help myself from looking up at him. He is grinning while looking in front of him. Of course he knows what he is doing. He knows I'll look at him when he does stuff like this. Because it makes my heart race. No one can see us here. No one knows what we're doing. And although it isn't much, it feels like much to me. It's the little things between us that keep amazing me every single day. 

Class ends too soon. We'll have to say goodbye until this evening. I don't know if I'll last that long without Mingyu. He seems to be my strength at all times. And now that we've had class together... I just can't get him off my mind. Is it the same for him? Is he as obsessed as I am? I sure hope he is. Because this is pure torture and I hope I'm not the only one suffering. 

"I'll see you at my place?" he asks me while we exit the class. "So we can go together?" 

I look up at him. His smile is hopeful. I can't take that away from him. "Yeah, what time?" 

"At about 10pm?" He asks while looking around us. People are staring again. I get that Mingyu is very good looking. But girls seem to be wanting him all the time. He does make the perfect son in law. All fathers would welcome someone like him. And he's very easy on the eye for the girls. 

"Okay, I'll text you when I'll come over", I say and wave one last time before rounding the corner. There I take some time to calm down. This class with Mingyu has drained me of all the energy I had left. There is nothing now. For some reason he demands a lot of energy from me. But maybe that's because I'm more introverted than he is. 

Mingyu

Evening falls and I'm in front of my closet. I have so many clothes, but I don't know what I'll wear. I want to look good for Wonwoo, but I don't want to overdo it. This is my first party, ever, so it does mean a lot to be able to go with the boy I'm in love with. Wonwoo knows this much. 

There is a knock on my door and I open it, half naked. Wonwoo is in front of me, trying to get in unnoticed. 

"Can you please put some clothes on?" he asks me while coming inside without properly looking at me. 

"I'm still picking out my clothes for tonight", I pout as he sits down on the side of my bed. He is still not looking at me properly. I wonder why not. "Are you okay?" I ask while putting on another dress shirt. This one is deep blue. 

"Yeah, I'm fine", he sighs as he finally looks at me. 

"What do you think of this?" I ask while turning around a little so he can take a look at it. Wonwoo looks at me while blushing just a little. 

"It looks good", he whispers. Was his voice hoarse just now? That can't be. 

"Or do you like a white one better?" I ask, to see what his reaction would be like.

"White will be risky to wear this evening. There will be lots of spilled drinks", he breathes out. I smile and go over to him. He seems to be fidgety and looks down at his hands. He's wearing an oversized sweater again. What is it with him and those? Does he want to kill me for real this time? 

"Thanks, babe", I say and kiss his forehead. His cheeks turn red all of a sudden and he tries to hide his eyes from me. This is what I love most about being with him. He doesn't do this with anyone else. I'm the only person who gets to see him like this. It's so special and unique. It makes my heart race. 

"Don't say that", he whispers, clearly embarrassed by his reaction to me saying 'babe'. He doesn't need to be embarrassed at all. 

"I'll say it whenever I want if this is the reaction I'm getting," I grin and he finally looks up at me. His eyes look cold to anyone else, but I can see the emotion in them. I can see all the words he can't say out loud. That's what makes our relationship so special. We can say so much without even uttering a word. 

I lean down for a kiss and he leans in. It's this unspoken bond between us that keeps me attracted to him. Our bodies seem to fit together like they were made for each other. I seem to always crave him, even when we're kissing, it is never enough. This addiction is getting out of hand, really. But I don't care at all. 

My hand cups his cheek and he leans in with his head. Our kiss is getting deeper and if I let it go any further than this, we won't be making it to the party tonight. So I pull back. Wonwoo seems to be disappointed with this somehow. I've never seen him like that, so open with his emotions when it comes to this. 

"Come on", I say and pull him off the bed. It's just too seducing to see him sitting on my bed, just as we're about to leave for a party. Wonwoo doesn't complain and complies immediately. We leave the dorms and he lets go of my hand before we step outside. Somehow I wish I could just hold it the entire time. 

The party is on the other side of campus and seems to be very alive when we get there. I am instantly greeted by people I know. Wonwoo just walks beside me, trying not to stand out, but that's impossible. Whether he like sit or not, he is hot. And girls notice him. All the time. Especially whenever I make him laugh. It's like girls die for that smile of his. It has made me decide to not make him smile in front of anyone else. If I can help it at least. 

The music is going and drinks are flowing. I decide to drink something with alcohol in it since this is my first party. I want to be like every other student on this campus for once. If my parents find out about me going partying, it's over for me. Luckily, they won't find out. There's no one here to tell them. Wonwoo just keeps on walking beside me while I make conversation. He nods at the appropriate times, but does not attempt to engage at all. I guess this is not his kind of party. Which I should have foreseen. I was selfish in wanting to come here today. 

The alcohol is clouding my judgement at all times. I've never really been drunk before so I guess this is what it feels like. My steps are getting heavier while my head is getting lighter. The room around me is spinning like the wheel of fortune. Wonwoo keeps a hand on my arm at all times so I don't fall over. God, did he always look this manly? Or is it just the drinks? I want to actually kiss him. So I try to kiss him. He pushes me away and I pout in response. 

Wonwoo 

Mingyu is so drunk right now. The only thing he wants to do is kiss me. In public. He has totally lost his mind by now. He keeps on pouring drinks for himself and talking to people. Occasionally he touches me. Always somewhere different. Indicating he is horny. I never knew he could get like this when he's drunk. It's a new side that's quite amusing, but annoying too. I feel like his mother, trying to keep him in check. 

"Come on, let's get you home", I say and gently guide him to the nearest exit of the house. He does not struggle, which is kind of weird. Once we're outside the house and round the corner, he pushes me against a wall. His both hands are on either side of me as he closes in on me. 

"You looked so good tonight. Even better than other times. I couldn't keep my hands off you", he says in a very sexy, low voice. It's hard to say no to him at times like these. I want to give in. 

"Mingyu, what are you doing? We're still out in the open", I whisper while he doesn't stop closing the gap between us. 

"Fuck it", he says while he forcefully presses his lips to mine. He kisses me like there is no tomorrow. And I give in.


	18. Seventeen

Wonwoo

 

It's not long before I realize that this is wrong on so many levels. Mingyu's hands do not stay on the wall, they travel my body. In the middle of a street that now seems to be deserted. Someone just has to walk by to know what is going on. Do I push him away? Or do I keep on going? Because it feels good. For the first time in forever, this feels right. I don't actually want to push him away. Mingyu's inhibitions are all gone and I've never felt like this either. It's like his intoxication is now intoxicating me. 

The world is closed off to the both of us. Mingyu is my entire world most of the time, but now there really is nothing else. Everything else just gets shut out. This has to be some kind of heaven I'm in. A bubble that is never meant to burst. 

"Gyu, we can't do this", I breathe out, unsteadily while he comes up for air. 

"I love it when you call me Gyu", he says in the most hoarse voice I have ever heard. The sexual tension is definitely there. And the way Mingyu is looking at me doesn't make it any better. It's like he is undressing me with his eyes alone. This is the sexiest I've ever felt. And believe me, Mingyu has made me feel sexy on a couple of occasions, but this just tops it all off. 

"Want to go back to your or my dorm?" I ask, clearly wanting to get out of the streets. 

"Come on, live a little. This is turning you on as much as it is turning me on", Mingyu says, putting his hand over my definitely growing bulge. Of course he noticed this. And Mingyu is one to take risks like this. My fearless Mingyu. 

"We could have so much more fun in bed", I say, trying to convince him. He isn't having any of it while he slides his hand down the front of my pants. He rubs me gently while I shut up. I really can't say anything with meaning while he does a thing like that. He knows the weak spots. He opens up my pants just enough so he can start pumping. I hiss a little because I don't want to be loud at all. Mingyu just kisses my neck, leaving hickey's, I'm sure of it. His pace picks up as he feels me coming closer and closer to that point. My head is spinning in circles while his lips finally find mine again. My moan is stifled by his kiss as I spill all over my boxers. Mingyu pulls back with an grin from ear to ear. He is pure evil, I can tell you.

"Now, wasn't that one of the best you've ever had?" He asks me, slowly retrieving his hand from my pants. He zips me up again and takes my hand. "Let's finish this in bed." The expectation for what's coming almost makes me forget about everything else. I look around one more time, there is no one around. We got lucky this time. 

 

Mingyu

 

My head is throbbing while the sunshine hits my face. What the hell did I drink yesterday to make me feel this horrible? I'm never going to drink again if it makes you feel like this. The worst part is: I can't remember a thing from last night. I don't even know how I got home, if this is even home. The bed smells familiar and the sheets feel like home too. Next to me, a body stirs. From his slender built I can just tell it's Wonwoo. He's completely naked and is lying on his belly, hugging his pillow like his life depends on it. Did I ever tell you how adorable he is in the mornings? 

If Wonwoo stayed over, I just have to remember what happened. I can not have had sex with him and not remember it. Those times should be accounted for in my head. Wait, did Wonwoo drink last night? Or was I the only one? I can't remember a single thing. 

"Mingyu, don't fidget", Wonwoo groans. He seems to have had a short night. My stomach is upset and I groan a little too. Why do I have to feel this bad this early? There's someone out there who really hates me. I'm sure of it. 

"Wonwoo-ah", I say in a cute kind of way to attract his attention. He sits up a little to look at me while I just groan. 

"Are you okay, Gyu?" He asks me while my eyes suddenly are wide open. I remember something. I vaguely remember him saying that nickname last night. "You seem sick." 

"I'm sick", I cry out a little, maybe too much, but who cares. I just want Wonwoo to take care of me. 

"Not even a surprise with all of the shit you drank last night..." He sighs and gets up from the bed. He is still butt naked and I wish I wasn't this sick so I could enjoy it some more. He is a sight to be seen. He goes into the pockets of his jeans and hands me something. "This is for the nausea." The thing he hands me is a little pill. I take it like my life depends on it. 

Wonwoo watches me carefully and doesn't say another thing. It's like he is waiting for me to remember something. There only flashes of this and that. How can this have happened to me? I'm normally so in control of myself. Wonwoo doesn't seem to be judging me, but what the hell did I do last night? And from the fact that we're both naked I can derive we did something in bed too. If only my memories wouldn't fail on me like this. 

"What did I do last night?" I ask Wonwoo and he just shakes his head while putting on his clothes from last night. I'd lend him some, but they would be way too big on him. "Please don't tell me I did stupid stuff." I whine way too loudly for my head to bear. 

"You'll find out, when you start to remember", he just states and stands in front of me. "Not everything was bad." His whisper is gentle and makes my heart skip a beat. Wonwoo has been opening up to me so much these last few days. 

"I just hope I didn't do anything to upset you", I whisper back while resting my head against his stomach. He traces his fingers through my messy hair and reassures me. 

"I wasn't upset at all", he says back, which gives me hope. I find some new energy and get up. Classes start a bit later today, but we still need to get there. 

"Come on, we need to go to class soon. Don't you have a morning class?" I ask him while he just smiles at my sudden turn-around. This is just the way I work. I can't stay depressed or sick for too long. My mood tends to swing sometimes. 

"You're a dork", Wonwoo states and kisses my temple as he walks by. There is no one in the eating area, which leaves us all alone. The rest of them are probably still sleeping after the party last night. What exactly did I do? There are flashes of an alley and a wall. 

"Your dork", I wink and he turns red. I love it when that happens. His face is usually so in check, except for when I flirt with him like this. 

We eat, very slowly, and then return to his dorm. He needs a change of clothes since everyone saw him in these last night. Wonwoo can't wear these to class today, people will know something happened. They wouldn't know what, but they would know something is up. 

We decide to get a coffee before heading to class too, as a little pick-me-up. I surely need it, my head is pounding and I'm trying to remember what the hell happened last night. This is the first time I've gone this far, ever. I don't get drunk too much, but when I do, I mostly remember what happened the night before. God, why did I have to drink that much? 

Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around. It's a guy I've known ever since high school. I didn't know he went here too? 

"Well, well, Mingyu! What a party yesterday, huh?" He says in a cheerful way. I look at Soonyoung for a second and nod. 

"Yeah, I had a bit too much to drink", I rake my hand through my hair and flash a big smile. I do'nt even remember seeing him yesterday at the party at all. Was he there? I didn't even know he went to this school. All throughout high school, he had been my biggest rival of all. I never had any issues with that, but he always had.

"Dude, who was the girl?" he asks me, a bit more quiet. Wonwoo is ordering for the both of us right now so he can't hear. 

"Girl?" I ask, totally blown away by this. Did I hook up with a girl last night? What? 

"Yeah, I saw you standing against a wall, kissing someone! I couldn't see who it was exactly, but I assumed you were getting laid!" he comments and I pull back. It all comes rushing back to me. I remember pushing Wonwoo against a wall and kissing him passionately. God, I even gave him a hand... Was I really that drunk and stupid? It did feel good, but it was definitely not the right thing to do in that moment. Did he recognize Wonwoo or not? Is he trying to blackmail me? 

"Ahh, I don't remember a lot of that", I joke, try to laugh it away. Wonwoo can't hear this. He can't know someone saw us. Knowing him, he'll stress out a lot. "You didn't get a look at the girl? Because I woke up alone this morning and don't remember a lot of last night." 

"No, I didn't get a look... I thought I'd give you some privacy", he suggestively nudges my arm. "It looked like it was getting heated really fast!" 

"I'll take a look at my phone later. Maybe she gave me her number" I wink at Soonyoung. 

"I need to go to class, see you later! And if you remember, let me in on the details, okay?" He waves a little and takes some distance from me. 

"Yes, fine!" I shout back and he is gone. Wonwoo comes back with our orders and we walk outside too.

"A friend of yours? I remember seeing him last night", Wonwoo comments as we walk. 

"Yeah, he used to be my rival in high school. I was number one and he was number two", I comment, trying to not freak out at all. 

"Wow and you looked so friendly right now", he says in a light voice while we arrive at his class. 

"Yeah, a lot has changed I guess", I wink and Wonwoo tries his best not to blush. He looks like he doesn't know anything of someone seeing us. Let's keep it this way. He didn't recognize him anyways. What's the big deal? 

"I'll see you later?" Wonwoo asks, his insecure self coming out again. 

"Yeah, I'll be waiting for you here when your classes are done", I smile, forgetting everything else again. 

"See you", he turns around and starts walking in. He turns once again to look at me for the last time before entering. 

"That was the girl", someone says behind me. Soonyoung is there, grinning at me. "But it seems like it wasn't a girl at all. It's a boy." That's all he says before walking off.


	19. Nineteen

Wonwoo

 

After my classes I exit the room quickly, making sure not to attract any unwanted attention. For some reason I feel like someone saw us last night, totally intoxicated and all over each other. What the hell were we even thinking? We need to be more careful while being around people. I did like the feeling of being a real couple for once, but we should watch out. While exiting I bump into someone and he drops his files on the floor. While helping him I see who he is. It's Mingyu's friend from high school: Soonyoung. He smiles at me while picking up his belongings. 

"Wonwoo, was it?" he asks while extending his hand for me to shake. 

"Soonyoung?" I ask back and shake his hand. I'm still not keen on physical contact with anyone who is not Mingyu basically. I retract pretty quickly and he notices this. Luckily he does not ask any questions. 

"Did you just finish your class?" he asks and looks around at the people piling out of the classroom. 

"Yeah, I am done for the day", I smile at him and shuffle a little with my feet. It all just makes me feel nervous. 

"Oh, me too! What way are you going?" It all seems so genuine, as if he is really interested in me. It makes me feel a bit more relaxed. And he is Mingyu's friend in the end. 

"I'm going that way", and point eastward where my dorms are. "Why?" 

"I'm going there too, mind if I walk with you?" His smile is too bright for his face and puts me off a little. 

"Yeah, sure", I give a small smile back, but not a genuine one. I keep those for the people I really trust. And those are my mother, my brother and most importantly, Mingyu. 

Soonyoung walks beside me and keeps on talking. He really loves talking. It's kind of nice, not having to walk to the dorms all alone. Most of the time Mingyu walks with me and that makes me both happy and nervous. I always worry that people will find out that we are seeing each other and will judge us. This time I don't have to worry about those things because I feel nothing towards this boy walking next to me. He is just someone talking to me. 

I keep on answering with short words because that is just the way I am. I don't see the point of saying more than needs to be said to people I barely know. He seems to not think this is disturbing, judging by the amount he keeps on talking. Finally we arrive at my dorms and he stops. 

"I'm sorry if I kept on babbling!" He excuses himself and I laugh a little. This is a new reaction for me. I'm startled by it. 

"No problem, I don't really talk that much anyways. Thanks for walking with me", I do feel obligated to say this because I was raised well. My mother always taught me to be grateful towards people who are kind to you. That is the way she has always lived. 

"It was my pleasure. Just hit me up if you want to get coffee sometimes!" He is so social, he reminds me of Mingyu just a little. No wonder they know each other. 

"Thank you! I will!" I bow a little before going inside. This was truly very nice. I don't feel too bad after talking with him, which I really always do after talking to people. Especially new people. Normally I would just crawl up in a ball and lie on my bed, distressing. I'm not a social person and have actually kind of developed a little social fear over the years of mistreatment in high school.But not this time, I think things are finally changing for me. And maybe Mingyu is helping me with them, but this is working. It's finally happening: me changing. Because I want to, not because others tell me to. Or maybe I'm kind of accepting myself? Who knows...

 

Mingyu

 

Meeting my mom is an absolute drag. It feels like a million years have gone by while waiting, instead it's only been five minutes. It's depressing to say the least. Plus, she is always late. No need in worrying she will be on time. I, on the other hand, am always on time, against better judgement. When she finally comes inside I roll my eyes before she can see. She's dressed to the T and is in high heels. This is a very simple pizza place, but she's way too dressed up. Like she always is. My mother does not know how to dress down for once. The owner knows us anyways, he's not even the real owner anymore. He is just a puppet my dad uses to keep an eye on us whatever we do. Nothing new there. 

"Mother", I say in the most loving voice I can while standing up and taking out her chair so she can sit. My manners never fail me and if they do, she'll make sure I remember.

"Son", she smiles while sitting down. I slide the seat underneath her and go sit down. Her smile is wide, which means she is hiding something. I wonder what it is this time. 

"Did you miss me that much?" I tease and take up the menu, fully knowing what I'm going to order without even looking at it. She does the same. It's all part of the charade we play. 

"I miss my darling son every single second of the day. You're very precious to me and you are my only child", her tone is too sweet. She wants something from me, that's the only reason we are here at this time. 

"I guess the house is very quiet these days..." I smile up and make a gesture at the waiter to come take our order. We both order before settling down again. 

"The sound of you playing your piano is gone now... I wish to hear it again someday", she seems to be very melancholic about that. I used to practice every single day. All hours were not even enough for me to practice. Of course she made me practice that much, in the end it became a habit. Every day after school I would sit there, practice until my fingers felt numb. After that I would do my homework and go to sleep. That was pretty much my life. 

"I'll come play again sometime", I smile, genuinely feeling affection towards my mother. 

"You must come again soon", she takes a sip from her drink and still looks at me with her special gaze. My mother looks very young due to the many plastic surgeries she has undergone. To normal people she is very beautiful. Of course my dad loves parading her around like she is some trophy he deserves. He did buy all of those plastic surgeries. "Yeon Ah has been coming by quite a lot so I am not that lonely." 

That's why I am here. She wants me to spend more time with the girl she has chosen to be my life companion. I totally refuse. There is only one person I am willing to share all of my free time with and he is not a girl and goes by Wonwoo. 

"I told you, I don't want to be engaged to her", I state firmly, but she brushes it off like she always does. For some reason she thinks I'll come around after some time. 

"Don't be silly", she says and our pizzas arrive. She starts eating one piece, but nothing more. This is also very typical. She used to scold me for eating too much, but I just don't gain weight at all. 

"Mom, what if I told you I am in love with someone?" It's out of my mouth before I even know it. This is one moment of truth. I will not tell her who it is, just that there might be a chance I could be in love with someone else than Yeon Ah. It will be very hard for her to believe. 

"Are you?" her tone is surprised as she leans forward to judge what I'm saying. She's looking for signs of me lying. I'm used to this. 

"I could be", I counter. 

"If you are going to be in love, be in love with Yeon Ah", she leans back against her chair and looks at her phone. This woman is infuriating! I just want to tell her all about my boyfriend and how we are in love with each other. But it's out of pure respect for Wonwoo that I don't. He deserves way better than this. 

"I'm going home. And by home I mean the dorms", I stand up and walk towards the door. I tip the owner and he smiles. He probably sold his soul to my dad for everything he has, but I pity him. He might have a lot of money now, he does not have a soul. That counts for every single person who deals with my father. I want to keep Wonwoo as far away from my father as I possibly can. 

As if this day was not hard enough already because of Soonyoung, my mom just made it worse. I can't deal with all of this in my head. There is only one sort of stress relief I know of and that's Wonwoo. That's why I'm currently in front of his door, all dressed up. I knock and he opens, totally taken aback by me being in front of him. I might seem frantic at this point, but I do not even care. Wonwoo is the only thing I need and want right now.

"Did your dinner already end?" he asks, totally confused and tired. 

"I just needed to see you", I sigh and go inside. I pull him with me to his bed and cuddle up to him. The roles are sometimes so reversed between us. Both of us have our problems, but we need each other to work it out. 

"If I had known you were coming, I wouldn't be in my pyjama's already..." Wonwoo seems a bit embarrassed by what he is wearing, but it is totally cute. He is wearing an oversized black shirt and just his boxers. 

"Is this the way you always open doors? Because if it is, I might be coming by a heck of a lot more..." I joke and he laughs, relaxing against me. His arms are like my safety net from time to time. 

"Maybe I do, but aren't you jealous of all the other guys who get to see me like this?" He teases and I sit up and glare at him. 

"Okay, you are never wearing that again unless you are with me", I demand and he smiles widely. 

"I missed you today", he whispers, seemingly fragile and vulnerable. "It was boring." 

"That's why I came here, I missed you too much to go to sleep without seeing you", I say honestly. There is this something inside of my chest that just demands to be close to him. I need him near me all of the time. It's possessive and very primal of me, but it's the way it is. This is something very new for me. 

"Then stay with me tonight", his voice is very small as he looks up at me, seductively. I lean down and kiss his very soft lips. My heart skips a few beats while we get entangled. Our legs and arms are a tangled mess of limbs while I lose myself in the boy I love


	20. Twenty

Mingyu

 

Waking up next to Wonwoo is never dull or never not surprising. It takes my breath away every single time. I don't know what happened last night exactly, the only thing I know is that Wonwoo was there for me and I felt safe. That's the most important thing now. I need someone to make me feel safe from the world I have been trapped in for far too long. The feeling I always got was confinement. Wonwoo is here to save me from all of that, I hope. If he only knew how messed up my life has been all this time. I'm sure he would feel very bad for me, but he has had it bad too. Worse than me actually. I shouldn't be complaining. He sure never does, at least not towards me. But that's Wonwoo, never complaining and always sweet. Maybe that's what I actually really like in our relationship. Even with all of the drama of people finding out, we just fit together like a pair of gloves. There is literally nothing I would complain about when we are together because for the first time ever, I feel like I'm home. And it's all because of this wonderful boy that's sleeping next to me.

"Mingyu, please, you're creeping me out.." he complains like he always does when I stare at him while he's asleep. I'm starting to get used to this. His whiny voice makes me look even more endearingly. There is just something in the sound and way he says those things that makes me want to smile even more. This is an equivalent of how Wonwoo makes me feel all of the damn time. I would almost forget about the looming dark cloud above us and a 'friend' who is trying to expose us. 

"I can't help you're this cute... I need to stare at you when you're being like this", I whine back and he opens up one eye. I smile even more while he squeezes that one eye shut again. His groan is sexy, which makes me want to do other things, but I will behave. For once. 

"What time is it?" He sits up and slowly wakes up. I give him a sloppy kiss on the lips which he seems to crave more of, but I'll let him suffer a little while longer. 

"Almost time for your first class", I say casually, not meaning it, but he takes it seriously. 

"WHAT?!" he shouts and wants to get out of bed to get dressed. I grab his arm and pull him into my chest. 

"Dork. You still have an hour", I laugh and kiss his hair softly. It's a tousled mess. I can feel him relaxing into my chest while he gives it a little kiss. His lips against my bare skin is not the best option right now. If he ever wants to make it in time for his class he should stop doing this. 

"An hour? Lots can happen in an hour", he says in a low voice. Oh, he wants to play this game? Game on, buddy. 

"Oh really?" I say, trying to be oblivious and make him work for it. Most of the time I initiate this kind of thing and he gives in, but it seems like he wants it really bad this time. 

"You know..." He whispers and looks up at me with big eyes. I'm lost. Strands of his hair start falling into his eyes while I do my best in trying to withstand this irreversible pull he has on me. My body starts leaning in, but I keep my mind focussed on making him beg. 

"I know what?" I add a smug smile at the end to complete it. He is totally getting annoyed by now and bites his lip. Mingyu, focus. I tell myself this while he removes the blankets from my lap and stares at something that is giving me away this very instant. 

"Oh you know what I'm talking about", he grins up and I am lost. He has me, every single step of the way. 

"Fuck it. You're gonna be late to class..." I try, but he is already at it and shuts me up for good. "Late for class it is." I hiss as he continues. 

We're both running for class now. We took too long and now we're both late. Our classes, however, are on the same side of campus, thank god. The downside is: it's on the other side of where Wonwoo's dorm is. We shouldn't have done the things we've done and just gone to class. Wonwoo doesn't miss classes ever. Neither do I, for that matter. If I'm late, they'll inform my mother. She is a big donator for this university, so she has eyes everywhere. It's a wonder she doesn't know about me and Wonwoo yet. The friendship I mean, not the relationship. No one knows of that. Except for Soonyeong. I still need to deal with that guy in the long run. 

"I'll see you later?" Wonwoo asks while looking at me expectantly. 

"Of course. Let's go out for dinner!" I just bluntly say it without thinking. What if he doesn't want to go on a date? 

"Like a date?" He says very hushes while stopping. 

"If you want to..." I say, kind of insecure. This is just so hard for me. I don't want to push him into things. 

"Sure! I'd love to", he smiles and turns around to run to his class. My heart skips several beats while he runs away. He waves just one more time before entering his building. I almost forget to enter mine because he just makes me forget about the entire world. My face must be telling it all right now, how in love I am with this person. This beautiful human being, inside and out. Everyone can tell, luckily, no one is around to see me like this. Wonwoo is special. Special to me. Forever. 

Wonwoo

 

Class is boring. I want to text Mingyu all of the time, but I resist. A smile would appear on my face if I text him. People might get suspicious. I never smile at my phone. Someone pointed that out last week, when Mingyu was sending me stupid and cute things. I don't know what has gotten into him. He has been clinging to me even more than before. Not that I mind. I want someone to depend on me in that way. I was almost feeling guilty for leaning on him too much, now I don't have to. We're equals in this relationship. That's the only thing I ever wanted with someone. To not be judged, to lean on someone and have them lean on me. Mingyu is the perfect person for that. 

"You doing anything tonight?" One of my classmates asks me and I nod. 

"Yeah, me and a friend are grabbing dinner somewhere", I say with a slight smile. 

"Is it that tall, handsome boy?" he asks me and I nod. 

"That's the one", I try not to lose my smile. Have I been hanging around with him too much? Is it starting to show? Do I need to be more careful?

"Ahh, my friend's sister is totally into him. She asked me to get ahold of his number for her. Could you maybe get that for me?" His smile is sheepishly and I let out a sigh. Everyone likes Mingyu for the apparent reasons. He is the most handsome boy, by far, to ever walk this campus and he is very nice even. He stops to talk to people he doesn't even really know. Besides that, he's so polite. Never tries to be rude and just talks to you all the way through. He even always seems interested in the things you are saying. At first that threw me off, it was weird. I didn't believe he was genuinely interested in everyone. But as I got to know him, I knew he was being real. It's just the way he is. 

"She should just walk up to him and ask. He is very sociable and will talk to her without thinking it is weird", I tell the guy and he nods. It's the truth. She probably won't get his number, but she will have talked to him. 

"Good idea! I've seen him talk to a lot of people, yes", the dude seems very pleased with himself. I, on the other hand, feel kind of annoyed again. How is he this popular? I do see what others see and I appreciate the way he is. I just want him for myself and don't want anyone else to see this side to him. I want to be selfish and just keep him all to myself. 

The teacher starts its lesson again while I try to tune in. Instead, I'm thinking of a story to write. It's been going around in my head all this time, ever since I met Mingyu. I feel like I need to write it down now, before I really forget. Also, this is part of this class. They're encouraging us to participate in a contest that gives out prizes for good writers. It would be nice to be acknowledged. Mingyu is also encouraging me to actually write. He is a sweetheart like that. Always supporting me. 

"The class is having a little get together at one of the dorms. If you're done with eating, you can come over", the guy says with a big smile and I try to smile back. It probably looks very fabricated. That's the way it always looks when I try too hard. 

Mingyu has made me a little more relaxed around people. I kind of like this new version of me. He brings out the best in me. This new me has to try more. To try and make friends. Not all people are like the assholes in my high school. They will not all judge me. Besides: sometimes it is worth the pain. 

My class ends and I wait for Mingyu outside. It was his only class of the day too, which makes me happy. We get to see each other again after like 4 hours. Which is a record when it comes to us. Every single part in my body just craves him. It needs him to be near. Touching is not always necessary, just being close to him does a whole lot to my head and body. My head always gets light while my body gets very heavy. Like I'm completely at ease when he is near. This feeling has never occurred to me before. I've only ever read about it in poems or books. Experiencing it is so much more fun. 

"Wonwoo!" Mingyu runs over with the brightest smile. He almost hugs me, but refrains. I wish we could do stuff like that in public. Not only in the confined spaces of our dorm rooms. That would be so much more fun, but stress too. I'm still afraid. 

"Ready?" I ask while we walk to our favourite coffee place. We kinda had our first date here. It was so obvious that we both were attracted to each other. Looking back now, it still makes me smile. It would have been so much more boring if I didn't have Mingyu here. 

"What are you thinking about?" Mingyu asks softly while sitting down opposite me. 

"Us. And that first time here", I smile up at him. The whole world is disappearing again. The only thing that matters is him. 

"I liked you from the very first moment I saw you. I just didn't know how to sort out my feeling yet..." Mingyu says in a small voice, not trying to stand out. He is always looking out for me. 

"Me too", I blush and look down. Suddenly I feel his hand around mine, in a public space. What is he thinking?


	21. Twenty One

Wonwoo

 

I look up at him, totally confused. Why is he doing this in public? What if someone sees? I don't pull my hand back either because I don't want to. The warmth I feel being transferred to my hand is too nice. It's the feeling Mingyu always gives me, no matter what. Maybe we should take a risk and just go public with this kind of thing? We'll never be able to live our lives comfortably if we keep this hidden from everyone. I will never be able to show him off to my mom and brother. He deserves more than that. I want to show him off to the world and just tell them: "He's mine". Because he is. And I am his, forever. I can't see myself falling in love with anyone else besides Mingyu for the rest of my life. He is what I want, what I need. 

"Sorry", he says while pulling back. "I forgot where we were for a second." He seems very apologetic towards me because of this. I feel sad and relieved at the same time. I do miss his touch now it's gone. Like I always do. 

"Don't be. It was in the moment", I assure him. He always seems so anxious as to not upset me over things like this. He thinks I am fragile when it comes to that and he is right to an extent. I've been through some extreme bullying for liking a boy before and it has altered my view on coming out as someone who likes someone of the same gender. Mingyu knows all of this and still chooses to be with me and deal with whatever consequences there might be. 

"Do you want to go to class?" he asks me while looking around for the waiter. "Maybe we should take our coffees to go?" He seems more anxious than before. Is there something else playing on his mind? Something he is not telling me? 

"Hey! Fancy seeing you guys here this early!" someone calls from behind me. I turn around and see Soonyoung standing there with a big smile on his face. He has a large cup to go in his hands while takes out a chair to join us. I look over to Mingyu and his face has lost all colour. He is normally pretty tan, but right now he is as white as whitewashed idols. He could practically be one. 

"What are you doing here?" Mingyu asks, nothing of that kindness he showed me was in his voice. It sounds empty and distant. Nothing like Mingyu at all. This is the first time hearing that kind of tone coming out of his mouth. He even had more affection towards his mother and that girl they call his 'fiancé'. 

"I saw you guys sitting over here and thought I'd join you. My class doesn't start for another hour!" Soonyoung says, as chirpy as ever. I feel conflicted between the two of them. Soonyoung has actually been very kind towards me, even with rumors about me flying around. I kind of like him as a friend. Mingyu doesn't seem to like him at all. Not the first time around and now even less. Their history must be more complicated than I first thought. 

"We actually just decided on having some coffee to go since we both have to head to class", I say very friendly. I'm trying to smooth things over between them, but trying to make everything right, right now? That would be too much to ask of the both of them. Mingyu does seem very pissed at the boy. 

"Yeah, otherwise we have to run. Sorry to bail on you already", Mingyu says with as much friendliness he can muster. It seems like a very big effort to him. 

"Oh no! I'll walk you guys to class?" Soonyoung suggests and he is just pissing Mingyu off even more. What does one do in a situation like this? Where your friend and boyfriend can't stand each other? 

"That will be fine. We need to talk some things over before class..." I say while getting up. Mingyu does too. 

"It was nice seeing you anyways! We should catch up one of these days! Oh and Wonwoo, I'll see you after class?" He is purposely trying to annoy Mingyu now. I can tell by the way Mingyu reacts. I'm done with this for the day. 

"I'll text you", I say vaguely while hauling Mingyu to the counter. He orders very quickly and pays for the both of us. The cashier keeps on checking the both of us out again. She's the one that hit on Mingyu a few weeks back. If Mingyu hadn't had me, he would have probably gone for someone like her. She seems smart and very lovely. Plus, she is very friendly to all of the customers. That says a lot about a person. 

We get our coffees and get going. Mingyu is in the worst mood possible. Even worse than when he was hungover and had to go to class. I try to walk on eggshells right now, but it's hard not to say anything that pisses him off. 

"Do you really have to go do something with him?" He suddenly asks while we sit down on a bench between our classrooms. They are somehow always on other sides of campus. Total opposite sides. 

"He is nice to me and seems like my friend... Besides, you said it was cool and there was no bad blood between the two of you. Did that change somehow?" I am so curious as to why he is acting like this. It's different from jealousy, this is just anger. 

"If only you knew... He is everything but your friend. He is an asshole who tries to take advantage of the people around him. He has been this way ever since high school and will not stop while being at university", Mingyu groans after the last thing he says and leans back. With his eyes closed it almost seems like the annoyance is gone. 

"If you don't want me to hang out with him, just say so", I request. I want to consider his feelings in this. "But I do need to know a reason why." 

"I can't tell you anything but the fact that he is an ass who will take advantage of you and let you down. I don't want to see you get let down. I want to see you happy", he opens his eyes and looks at me with such sincerity. It blows me away. It always does. Mingyu doesn't lie about his feelings towards me, he never did. But whenever he looks at me like that, I feel like he doesn't see anyone else on this entire planet. He makes me feel special. 

"Okay, I'll try to get out of what we were going to do. I believe you. But Mingyu..." I whisper. 

"Yes?" 

"You'll have to learn how to trust me and tell me eventually", I whisper again. His eyes meet mind again and we stay like that. I'm sure anyone can tell we love each other now. Every single person that walks buy should be able to tell if they look closely. Our bodies are always angled towards each other while we try to avoid contact. Our eyes are always locked on each other so we can imagine the way it feels to touch. It's weird, but I'm always aware of every single thing he does. It's like every fiber in my body is aware of him. Not only on a sexual level, but on an emotional one too. 

"I know. But right now, you'll have to trust me", he says. I can tell he wants to lift his hand and caress my face. I can almost feel it too. 

We both get up and say goodbye before walking to class alone. Some time away from each other will do wonders right now. That way my body will have missed him so much and the reunion will be so much greater. I like denying myself of Mingyu. It makes me appreciate him way more than I would normally do. And believe me, I always appreciate Mingyu. For the way he knows how I think and feel. I also know how he ticks. And that's the best part about this relationship we have going on. 

 

Mingyu

 

Soonyoung just had to come and ruin everything. I'm sure he even saw us holding hands. It ruined my entire mood, which was pretty good seeing how we started off our day. But no, he had to come and swoop in. The 'real friend'. I'm so sad to see Wonwoo actually believing the things he is saying. The good thing is: Wonwoo trusts me and my judgement of people. Soonyoung can never be trusted around Wonwoo. He will try to pry and expose things. Try and hurt the both of us just because he can. It's not fair to have people like that in the world. And not fair that Wonwoo has to be a prey of someone like that. 

"You were having a very cozy moment in there", Soonyoung says behind me. I knew he would come over as soon as Wonwoo left. That's his thing. 

"Whatever you saw, get over it", I try walking away, but Soonyoung demands attention. If I don't grant him the attention he wants, everything could be out in the open. And maybe that's not even a bad thing. The way Wonwoo reacted this morning was quite okay. He looked like a deer in headlights only for 5 seconds. He didn't pull away or say anything afterwards, which is a very good sign. But if my parents find out, this could be the end for the both of us. 

"You didn't forget what else I saw, did you?" He smirks at me while standing in front of me. I could punch this guy in the face and not regret it. But that would be wrong on so many levels. I need to protect Wonwoo from this evil ass guy. 

"What do you want, exactly?" I am so done with this. He has been blackmailing me, but hasn't been consistent with any of it. 

"I want you to perish and your popularity to die a slow death. I want it to be me who does it. So you know what if feels like", his voice gets grim as he talks about his little plan. It doesn't surprise me. He is still so stuck in high school, he needs to get over that. 

"And what do you want me to do about that?" I almost roll my eyes at him. 

"We'll see very soon", he smirks and turns around. "Enjoy the time you guys have left!" He screams and waves at me from behind. Asshole.

I really want to throw my coffee at him, but that would be a waste of perfectly good coffee that never hurt anyone. I walk into class and sit down. Trying to focus on this lecture will be my main feat for the day. I need something to distract me from annoying assholes who hold grudges like little children.


	22. Twenty Two

Wonwoo

 

As soon as I exit my class, Soonyoung is waiting there. I did tell him I would contact him later, but I wasn't planning on doing so. Mingyu asked me to trust him and I do. If he needs me to stay away from this person, I will. Not that I'm doing it because he asked me to, I'm doing it to show him I have faith in his judgement. 

"Hey! My class was done early and we were going to meet up anyway!" Soonyoung says while walking up. I'm still baffled as to how he knew where my class was and when it ended. I'll let it slide for now. It's not what's important. 

"I actually already have plans for tonight..." I try to wiggle my way out of meeting up with him and upsetting Mingyu even more. He seemed so distraught earlier. I wonder what's really going on between them and why he won't tell me. It looks like I have something to do with it anyway. 

"Don't try and cancel on me! I'm going to karaoke with some friends and we're short one person. Don't let me down on this!" He is awfully close and I start to wonder again why Mingyu doesn't like him. "Do it for me? I thought we were close enough for that kind of thing." 

"Maybe for an hour..." I cave. He's using the 'friend' thing against me. I don't have too many friends and want to keep the ones I have really close. That's why I'm doing this. At least it's what I tell myself. I wonder if this is about finding out what is so wrong about hanging out with Soonyoung. 

"Cool! Let's go!" He motions for me to follow him. I wonder what kind of friends he has. And why he wants to drag me along. We've only talked for an hour in total? Does he really appreciate me as a friend already? Is that how things go? It did go very quick for me and Mingyu. But that was because of the connection we had and because we felt attracted to each other. Things just went and no one questioned it. 

We walk a great distance before arriving at this karaoke bar. I've never done such a thing alone, let alone with other people. I'm not that good with crowds, but I do hope to improve today. Maybe I can show a better self towards Mingyu. Maybe I can actually hang out with his friends in the future too. He's been neglecting them because of me, I know that much. Soonyoung motions for me to follow him inside a room. It's filled with guys and girls I vaguely know from school. Some of them I have never seen before. My anxiety starts acting up again, but I push it down. I need to see this through. I did promise Soonyoung I'd come with him. 

"Guys! This is Wonwoo!" He shouts and everyone welcomes me. It's a strange feeling, being welcomed into a circle of friends. Although they don't seem that close. It almost seems like this is a group date. Maybe it is. But I'm flattered to be asked here in the first place. Maybe people are forgetting about all of the rumors about me. I sure do hope so. 

I sit down in the corner while Soonyoung goes socializing with some girls. He seems to know them by name. I try to listen in, but the singing is just too loud. What do you even say in situations like these? There is only one other person in this room as quiet as me. The girl is sitting opposite me and looks at me with shy eyes. Maybe I should say hello? I wave. She waves back and moves over to sit next to me. 

"Hi, I'm MiSun!" She screams over the loud music. Her smile is contagious. 

"Hello, I'm Wonwoo", I say back, trying to smile in a situation like this. Girls still somehow make me feel uncomfortable. Especially in settings like these. This is obviously some kind of big group date Soonyoung dragged me off to. I've never been in a situation like this. It's kind of scaring to be here. 

"You got dragged into it as well?" She scoffs and I nod at her. It seems like we're to pea's in a pod. 

"Soonyoung was short one person..." I admit and look over at the boy once more. He is having the time of his life, so it seems. While I sit here, awkwardly. 

MiSun is very nice actually. She keeps on talking to me all the way through. Probably because she is bored to hell otherwise. All the other boys and girls are occupied or have left the room. Who knows what they are up to by themselves? I really don't want to know. The farther I can distance myself from that kind of stuff, the better. 

"So, are you enjoying yourself?" Soonyoung asks me after joining me again. Only for a little while though, it seems like he is very busy with the girl he was talking to. 

"Kind of?" I ask and look over to MiSun. She is listening in to our conversation. I can't say hurtful stuff like 'I want to leave'. I'm just too nice for people sometimes. And in times like these I wonder what Mingyu would do. Thinking like that just gives me a whole new set of feelings I did not want to deal with tonight. One of them is guilt. I told him I was going to stay away from Soonyoung, but I broke that promise. What if he finds out about all of this? That would probably spark up a whole other fight. One like we have never had one before. I'm not sure I want him to find out, ever. 

"She is totally into you", Soonyoung eyes MiSun with a little grin as he pokes me in the ribs. I wince a little from the human contact. I've never really liked human contact, except for Mingyu. And we're at the same point where I was a few seconds ago again. Mingyu is going through my mind. It's shadowing everything I do. And what am I doing wrong, exactly? I'm helping a friend out who needed someone to join him. I'm actually making friends. Isn't that what Mingyu would want me to do? The only downside is that the friend in question is someone he does not like at all. Why? He won't tell me. That's typical Mingyu. 

"I don't know if she's my type", I say a little sheepishly while whispering. She might overhear us and be mad for some reason. I don't like people being mad at me. It makes me feel guilty and inhuman. 

"What is your type exactly? We have a little of everything here", he waves his arm over the entire room to make a gesture. It's so he can clarify that we're not the only 3 people here. I look around, pretending to be interested in everything I'm seeing, but I'm not. I only have one type: Mingyu. There is no one else. But I can't tell him that. I can't tell anyone about this. 

"I think I'm going home", I whisper while trying to get up. Soonyoung holds me down. 

"Your type isn't in this room, is it? Or maybe it is, but it is less conventional that everyone thinks. Maybe it's a gender thing? You don't like boys, do you?" My heart stops. It has stopped beating for all the wrong reasons. He's suggesting that I'm gay. Why would he do that? Does he know something? Is he on to me and Mingyu? Is that why Mingyu is so mad at him? 

"I'm going to the bathroom", I say while rushing out of the room. That was not the best response to someone asking you if you are gay, but it's the only thing I can do. The world is closing in on me. It's like the walls are getting closer and closer. I can't control this. I need to get out of here. 

Somehow I find my way out. The air hits my lungs, but I don't feel better at all. I feel worse. Someone needs to help me. And I don't even know where the hell I am. Soonyoung just took me here in a rush, I don't remember how we even got here. Is this the panic talking? I need Mingyu. Now. I need his calming touch, his clarifying voice. He needs to save me. 

"Hello? Wonwoo?" Mingyu picks up after the first ring. Such a typical thing for him to do. 

"I need your help", I almost cry. The emotions are taking over, I don't want them to. 

"Slow down, where are you?" he sounds even more worried. I can tell what he is feeling and thinking just by the sound of his voice. 

"I.. don't know? That's why I need help. Soonyoung took me to a karaoke bar, but I don't know where it is and I don't know how to get back", I am most definitely crying now. 

"I told you to stay away from him... I'll figure out where you are. Just stay outside and don't talk to Soonyoung. I'll be there shortly", he hangs up on me and I feel flustered. Somehow he has reassured me a little, but I still don't feel good about it all. He was mad. He is going to be mad at me after he finds me. But I'd rather have him mad and with me, than not mad and not with me to be honest. Every inch of my body needs Mingyu right here. 

 

Mingyu

 

Wonwoo sounded so distressed on the phone. I wonder if his anxiety is kicking in again. He is normally so collected and to himself. Now he is forced into a public setting with a lot of people... What was he even thinking? Why did he go with Soonyoung when I begged him not to? Maybe now he knows what kind of person Soonyoung is. I really hope he does. 

Meanwhile I'm trying to trace down where this party is being held. A few classmates know where it takes place and give me the address. Soonyoung is known for dragging people to those things without them wanting to. I hate the guy so much. 

I'm running and running. There is no time for me to take a bus or bike. I need to get to Wonwoo as soon as possible. He is obviously not feeling well and I promised I'd be there soon. Sooner rather than later. He needs me. Wonwoo would never ask for help unless he really feels like he needs it. That's the kind of person Wonwoo is: strong. And that's why I love him. Also because he trusts me enough to call me when he is in trouble. 

"Wonwoo?" I call out and look for him in front of the place. 

"Here!" he yells from the alley on the side of the karaoke place. I immediately go to him and fight the urge to kiss him. He looks distressed and stressed out. He immediately clings to me as I sit down beside him. "I'm so happy you are here." His speech is breathy, which means he was just moments away from a panic attack. 

"I'm here, it's okay now", I coo him and he puts his head on my shoulder. "It's all going to be okay." His hand finds mine and we intertwine our fingers. It's like a natural thing for us now, finding a way to have physical contact and still being hungry for more. 

"He knows", Wonwoo whispers. "That's why you don't like him, isn't it?" He knows. Wonwoo knows about Soonyoung knowing about us. This is why he is so stressed out. I knew he would react this way. 

"He does. And yes, that is the reason", I say, caressing his cheek while looking into his eyes. "I'll do anything within my power to stop him from spreading the rumor. That way you won't feel like this ever again." It is my promise. 

"So that's why you weren't into me?" A girl suddenly says as she rounds the corner. I look at her in shock. "Soonyoung was right all along, you're gay!" She shouts and Wonwoo's face turns absolutely white while I see everything falling about right in front of us.


	23. Twenty Three

*Fair warning, this may contain triggers, if you don't want to be triggered, don't read please, also: take care of yourself* 

 

Mingyu 

 

Getting Wonwoo home proves to be more difficult than first thought. The girl ran off right after she said the 'thing' and has left us with no more words to say. I wanted to go inside and beat the living crap out of Soonyoung, but Wonwoo didn't want me to. He needed me more than Soonyoung needed to be beate to a pulp. Wonwoo is always in first place for me. He clung to me like he was going to die if I ever left him while going home. 

His dorm is very quiet when we get back, because it's way past curfew around here. Luckily we get in without too many problems and I get Wonwoo safe to his own bed. Once he sits down, he breaks. He breaks in a way I've never seen a person break before. It's like all will has left his body and every single bone has been broken to make sure he never makes the same mistakes again. He just sits there, tears streaming down his cheeks, staring at the wall in front of him. It's like he isn't in there anymore, all that's left is a shell. It makes my heart hurt in so many different ways to see the man I love like this, all because some jerk wanted revenge. Soonyoung is going to pay for this. I will not let him break the love of my life into pieces. 

"Wonwoo, listen to me for a second", I whisper and he looks up from the wall. Some kind of emotion has returned while he looks at me. It makes me feel like I can at least do something. He listens to me. Always has. Now I just need to get through to him. "I will make sure nothing happens to you. I love you, okay? And not in a superficial way or a way that's going to end soon. You're it for me, the love of my life. This is nothing we can't beat. It's just another major bump in the road to being together happily ever after. You can't let him get to you, not like this." My voice sounds almost pleading when he closes his eyes to assess the situation. 

"It's over", he whispers while looking down at his hands. "It's all over." 

"No, it is not! You are worth so much more than this. You are strong and can get through this. With me. I'll always be here", I say with a stronger voice while sitting down in front of him and putting my hands on both of his knees. 

"How?" he even sounds broken. 

"With time, and me", I hope he sees what I'm trying to say. Instead Wonwoo just looks out in front of himself. He does not see me nor does he respond to me. It's like I'm not even in the room anymore. I know how he feels. Like your life is flashing in front of your eyes. But it does make me sad to see he doesn't even listen to a word I am saying. I'm saying all of this because I believe in these words. I believe that he will overcome this. 

Even I, after all this time, know that he is the one I want to spend all of my days with. For that I would face the entire world and tell them to go fuck themselves. Because Wonwoo is my reason for living. He is why I believe in the kindness and goodness of all humans. Just because he has accepted me for who I am. He's never questioned why I am the way I am. Hell, he even met my family and didn't judge me for being rich or not telling him. He was a little mad at first, but he knows the real me. Which made him believe in me. 

"Wonwoo?" I ask once more, but he doesn't react to his name at all. Instead he stares blankly ahead, breaking my heart in a million pieces. He's in shock. Everything will be better in the morning. I hope. 

 

Wonwoo

 

My life is over. The darkness swallows me whole while I hear someone faintly calling out my name in the distance. I want to react to it, but I can't. My mind is trapped inside my body. It's like my body isn't co-operating with my mind. It just does what it wants. Meanwhile I just want to scream, but nobody will hear. I want to shout, but no one will care. All they care about is exposing me and hurting me all the way. Yet again someone has tried to do so. Yet again they will succeed. Just like in high school. My life was hell back then, why did I think it would be any different now? Just because I had him? He will leave me, just like the rest. He has a family that thinks highly of him and a reputation to uphold in front of the other students. I was just a means to pass the time. I was just something to play with when he got curious about that side of himself. Tomorrow he will be happy again, without me. And I will be left. In this big, black void. The void I have been trying to escape for so long, but keeps on chasing me. 

It's like a shadow, always lurking in the back of my mind. It's always telling me I am not good enough for this, for him, for them, for my family. I shouldn't even be here. I'm not even smart enough to be at university, let alone one of the best in the country. I shouldn't be allowed to do what I love, I should be punished. For who I am. For what I like. Because I'm different. Because I'm not like all of them. I'm not worthy. Never was and never will be. 

He made me think I was. He made me think I could finally be myself and still have people who care about me. Instead all I got was someone pretending to be my friend just to expose me to the world. Ruin whatever friendships I had left. This is why I hide. This is why I don't socialize. This is why I like being on my own. But he made me want to be myself. He made me want to go outside and socialize. He makes it look like it's all so simple. Like it's all natural. Whilst for me it takes a lot of energy and trust to even begin acting like myself. But then again, he's not himself either. He's been hiding this entire time. The only person who truly knows him is me. And what if that's not even true? What if he lied to me all this time. I don't know what to believe anymore. 

In the distance a door shuts and the lights are out. I know he has now left me, left me for the night or maybe for good. Who knows what the morning will bring? Will I even be here? Will I make it through the night? Will people miss me when I'm gone? Maybe my mother and brother will. My brother does deserve better than this. He's taking care of mother and is working for that family. At least they're giving her time off to get better. That's something. The money needs to keep flowing in to pay for hospital bills and my school. I'm wasting everyone's time and money here. Why? Just why does this keep happening to me? Why did I have to be born like this? Why can't I be like them? 

The darkness threatens to swallow me whole. Like I've never existed. Like my personality does not get a say in this. It's like it was always meant to be like this. Me in pain, others happy. Is that what it takes to make them happy? When do I get to be happy? Where is my happy ending? Does that even exist for people like me? Is this really so wrong? Is it that wrong to be in love with a person, that is of the same gender as you? Is it wrong to have those feelings? Then why do they feel so right? Why does this world only make sense when he is here? It's not fair for it to be like this. Why do all things so wrong feel so right? Only the touch of his hand can make me feel better. I want his touch. But he is gone. Nowhere to be seen or felt. It's like I am truly alone in this dark room. Like I've always been. Me against the world. Please help me. Please help me now. 

And as if he heard me, he comes barging in. My body finally starts functioning again. The second he touches my hand I feel like blood starts flowing through my body again, like I'm alive. He looks me in the eye with such earnest and I melt away. The darkness is still here, but I have found a light to guide me through. I have found someone to pull me out of this. If only I try hard enough. 

"I could never leave you like this", he tells me while taking me into his arms. "I don't know if you can truly hear me, but I want you to know that you are never alone. I will never leave you. You always have me." 

He sounds to sincere, my heart actually starts pounding again. I cling to him like he is my beacon. He holds me like he never wants to let me go. Somehow we end up on the bed, all of our limbs entangled. There is no way of telling where I end and he begins. This is the way our souls are. We are melted into one. I am darkness and he is light. He saves me from even my darkest thoughts. He makes me see that there is a whole world out there that does care. All because he is my world. He is everything I've ever wanted and needed. He makes me want to be a better me. And only a better me can help me deal with the darkness. 

"Thank you", is all I manage to say before falling asleep, not thinking of what's to come, but enjoying what I have now.


End file.
